Tag Archives: love

How Did WAR Become Normal?

I spent the morning following some of the stories on the news. WAR. War is one of the primary points that is being reported on.

Many of which are a result of religion that have created divides among people and races to the point where war is then used as a point of ethnic cleansing where one group attempt to claim prowess over another by simply killing them off. That is one Motivation for War. There are others as well – such as Money.

I have never read the bible. Christianity would be the religion that is closest to me, so if I were to have taken on a religion it would have been Christianity from the perspective of the religion that my family and environment would have embraced as their religion and thus so to me.

I saw this common sense point however – That one should not require a Book to tell them “what is right and what is wrong” and how one is supposed to live. It simply did not make sense as it was not fair because what if for some reason I did not have access to that book? How is that fair? Than I would be fucked – How could the all mighty God fail to consider such a simplistic practical point – How am I supposed to follow a God that miss such a simplistic common sense point that a kid can see?

If religion was in fact real and true than it would be an immediate point of accessibility to all.

Religion is strange because it implies that we are not able to live without reading instructions from a book? Why then just not give us the knowledge to begin with instead of first having to learn the a language and then get the book and read it – There is just way to much room for error in this equation. What if I make a mistake and fuck up my life before I have time to read the bible – Who’s fault is that? Mine?

What about animals? They can’t read – so then what religion are they – How do they know how to act the right way or learn what god is? What religion is my doG?

So yes, I never was directly indoctrinated into a particular religion though I see the point of religion being obviously deeply embedded into culture so that in ones normal daily living they are actually being  conditioned within religion.

I do understand that religion and the whole idea of god is much more deeply engrained into a being’s normal daily life, and also that to be religions does not in fact require one to read some holy book.

A religion is just an elaborate belief system.

Thus any belief system is form of religion

Believing that one sport is better and more important than another is a religion

Believing that your values within your peer group are more important than others is a religion

Having a core set of Family Values is a religion

Mac or PC

Coke or Pepsi

Religion is simply a more elaborate belief structure.

Any type of  value-sets you have decided to believe are right or wrong is in essence the same point as believing in a religion – as a religion is a set of values that is laid out for you in a book in a very specific way.

People have arguments with each other based on “difference of opinion” The same as we have Wars based on religion which is just a “difference of opinion.”

Like “I believe I have the right to kill you so that I can have your resources!” – obviously this would lead to a difference of opinion in the matter.

It is absurd that there can be any valid reason for us to justify harming another life form as acceptable.

This whole point of WAR is strange because it is accepted as a normal function of existence – That there must be war, that it is who we are. This from my perspective is massive psychological disorder – It does not make sense to me to even continue existing as a race within the context of WAR, seeing as how to have such a point of WAR is showing that we are not Living anyways but that we are Killing, and heading in the direction of our eventual total self annihilation.

Killing is NOT normal

Harming another life form is not Normal.

What we currently accept as Normal is Not Normal.

To End all Wars seems so common sensical yet at the same time a point which many laugh at  – Even within myself it feels like a lofty idea – But that is bullshit because I also see that to accept anything less than that implies a point of self accepted limitation and an acceptance of myself as a living expression of life that believes that I must exist in a state of constant self abuse and self affliction of pain. Because that is what war is – It is a kind of self imposed turmoil and torture of self – To live that way is to exist as/in one’s own living Hell. Why would we settle on an existence such as this?

The Common Sense to end ALL War is simply too Substantial to take any other position but to walk the process of stopping all war. Obviously this starts with self and the investigation of self to determine see how WAR exist within and as self. And take on the point of stopping and Correcting all aspects of how one individually participate and exist within the point of War within/towards self and others, ensuring that ones expression in no way harms self or another. This will be the foundation of how to then take on / support the point of ending all wars within our world.

 

This is what we are busy doing at Desteni. And this is what the Desteni I Process is for – To assist and support oneself to become aware of oneself and how one is actually creating oneself and this world and everything within it including war.

We are also proposing the implementation of an Equal Money System as a foundation of a  world system that is based on equality so that the very system we have of managing our relationships and  interactions with each other in this world is not based on competition and winning which is what capitalism is currently based on.

Thus An Equal Money System will provide an effective platform for ourselves as Humanity to walk the process we require to walk to correct ourselves into living expressions that honour each other and honour life.

www.equalmoney.org

www.desteniiprocess.com

www.desteni.org

www.eqafe.com

 

 

 

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Filed under Crimes Against Humanity - In the News, destonian

Self Forgiveness on “The Soul”

 

Self Forgiveness on Soul.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there existed a soul within me that pass over and continue existing when I die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “not know” if there was a soul within me or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my soul is more pure than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there can be an aspect of myself that Is more pure existing independent from other aspects of myself, and in this way separate myself from the soul, where in I exist in separation to the soul.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing an aspect of myself to exist independent from me, where in it just kind of does its own thing, and within I do not direct all of myself here, and am also implying a lack of awareness of self in that there is apparently as aspect of me that is all knowing and pure, that I have not actual direct, in fact relationship with at all, but that only exist as an idea in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my soul is better and superior than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a soul because this would mean that I live forever and that is what I want. I don’t want to die because I fear dying and I like being alive, and I don’t want to die. And thus hoped that there was soul, and within this actually separated myself from my responsibility to decide for myself if I live or die, but have believed that I have no choice in the matter, as Death is “beyond me” and all-mighty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place death and the soul in the same category, where in I see the soul as good and death as black and scary.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my idea/perception of what I think death is, where I have created this whole idea of what I think death will be like, and then fear that Idea. And thus am not really fearing death, per-se but more fearing an idea that I have created within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the soul and things related to the existence of the soul as “higher than me” and within this imply that I am limited and less than, here within this physical body within this life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand within and as limitation which I imposed on myself through accepting and allowing this idea of the soul.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the human physical body as well as this physical world as planet earth as limited and not take into consideration ourselves as limitless beings where ever we are in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself to such an extent that I believed that I was unable to commune with the soul or anything that was from this realm, and thus existed within a state of limitation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find it hard to believe that we are not limited as/within the human physical body here in the physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the soul as the ultimate good, and that in the end “man is good” because the soul is good. And to not really believe in the devil and the bad, because “that stuff can’t exist” because everyone has a soul, and a soul is good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get confused within all this information and ideas about the soul.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am automatically good, as I have accepted myself as having / being a soul, and have defined/believed this to be ultimately good, and within this I forgive myself for not considering that I AM WHO I AM, and thats that, in relation to the context of how I live in my day to day moment to moment application of self here as who I am in every moment where in “A soul is not responsible for me and who I am” I am responsible for me and who I am based on how I live and apply myself day to day, in every moment of my existence here, and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself as who I am into2 categories only, either being bad or good.

Thus I stop such allowances and acceptances of self. I let go of this delusion that somehow “the sou” defines me, and I realize that who I am, is who I am based on my moment to moment application of self and all of myself as me. That is really who I am. And Thus I face the point that there is “no free pass” which I had accepted and allowed myself to exist within, within believing that there was a soul. There is not free pass, there is not “guiding light” I guide myself HERE in full responsibility for and as myself and I take responsibility for my actions and I realize that my actions have consequences and this is also another way to assess who I am in fact which is not related to something that does not even exist, but that I “hold as an idea only” as my saving grace and guiding light to always guide me out of the darkness, instead of taking back my directive principle and walking Here for and as Myself in and As Total Self Direction and Responsibility for and as Myself, as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design an idea that act as my “guiding light” of me never having to actually walk and live for myself, walking into the darkness and trusting myself every step of the way, alone with no guiding light, but only me myself Here with and as myself as self support.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to trust me without the soul guiding me to make sure I do not fall off the path, and thus whenever I walked into a situation, placed my trust in the soul as this ultimate guiding force, instead of standing HERE within and as Self Trust, and developing the ability to walk within and as Self Trust in every moment and every situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wander endlessly in the dark while all this atrocious shit happens in this world, because I had completely abdicating my self directive principle of myself to some higher force/soul as a guiding light. Where in I placed my trust in this soul or higher force to know whats best for me, and thus I never actually grab the wheel and steer myself and direct myself for and as myself. Within this using practical common sense to sort out the mess that is here as this world and put an end to the abuse and atrocities in this world through simply by directing my actions within common sense instead of floating around where all of my directive power is placed within some higher being to decide for me, to make the right choices for me within my life, instead of me directing me here in every moment, decision and choice that I am faced with in each moment no matter how big or small.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wander within my mind/idea of the soul as my guiding light, and within this never actually learn how to direct this reality that is here as the physical into a world that supports all and is best for all and is an effective reality and supports life, because I was to busy wandering around within this point of just “doing stuff” because the soul as guiding light will take care of all the important decisions in my life, and thus MISS my entire life in where I never actually direct myself within the important decisions, or any decisions and this world crumble around us as we all blissfully stair into the light, and never actually starting directing ourselves within establishing the necessary relationships, real relationships based on practical common sense and supporting what is here as this planet we live in and taking full responsibility for this and stop abdicating this to some higher force or god or soul as guiding light in all of this, where the entire world just existing in disarray within the belief that we are beig guided and directed by something more than us, like an ultimate greater good, instead of all of us here pulling our heads from our assess and start creating our world for ourselves in a way that no longer accepted and allow abuse and that actually support ourselves as life within and as our self expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “dream about the soul” where I would know all the answers and do everything correctly and never make a mistake, but not bringing this point back to self and walking the practical step by step application of actually developing the ability to make effective decisions for myself instead of just “wanting this to happen instantly” in terms of how I believed the soul to be.

I forgive myself for not considering that if I am a soul than I will still have to direct myself as I do now in this life, and that “things never happen automatically” thus the point is that I simply must walk the necessary steps to become an effective decision maker so that “I know what to do” instead of thinking and believing that this will magically happen to me, without me taking responsibility for myself and leaning to walk and do this for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within believing in the soul and soul construct become passive and non-committal and subdued, where in I am never really active, and engaged within my reality in every moment where I am an active participating within and as my world, due to abdicating this responsibility to the soul within accepting the idea that the soul essentially is guiding me and making my decisions anyways.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never really learn how to commit myself to a decision and follow through with that because at some point I would give up and not take responsibility for my world, because I believed the soul was taking care of this anyways and thus “it would turn out for the best”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look to the soul for answers to my questions about life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because there is no consequence that I see/experience in a moment of actions, that this means its “ok” and within this not consider the consequences that flow-out from such actions and that will in the end create and define my world and who I am.

Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because I do not immediately see/experience a consequence related to my actions/self doesn’t mean that there isn’t one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my “best interest” to a higher power, instead of directing this as who I am in every breath as every moment of my existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self direction as hopeless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within realizing that I must move and direct myself, actually go into a point/experience of fear of actually willing myself to move and direct myself in all situations and events in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as powerless within this life because I could never get clear answers from the soul. And that I did not trust myself to direct myself in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted myself as limited through by accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation from life where in I saw/see/perceive life to be “so much bigger” than me and how could I be equal with/as life in order to make decisions that affected life. And thus I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to see me as inferior to life, and inadequate in relation to life, always placing myself beneath life and never actually able or capable of standing equal and one with life, and directing myself as life and directing life as myself equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I would fuck life up if I had the responsibility to direct life, and thus never saw myself as capable of having the responsibility to direct “the greater life” that is here, not realizing that I am in fact doing this already in every moment that I am here, in my moment to moment living application of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop the idea within myself that “man is useless” because everything that ever showed a high skill level was attributed to “the divine” and so accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only way to “become better” was to have god or the divine possess me and express through me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that really good art was done by the hand of god, which implied that the “soul” was the ultimate creator/expressor and had some magical meaning or insight and that man is really not capable of this, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “look for the divine” as a point of self improvement instead of developing the trust, courage and will power to do this for myself through discipline practical step by step walking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself so that the soul can exist where in I no longer direct myself as who I am as an equal part of life, but suppress myself in relation to the idea that I soul is apparently directing me and within this wonder around this world with no real, clear, decisive direction of self in my application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret not learning how to direct myself when I was younger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there must be some mistake, and that the way that I lived and directed myself was correct, and that how could I have lived most of my life without actually Standing within and as myself and my world as the directive principle of me and my world.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in moments give up on my as the directive principle and want to rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping and resting as me as the directive principle because I fear the consequences of this, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not able to actually see the consequences of my actions/self standing in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear “going out on my own” and directing myself within and as my world in every moment because I fear facing my world and all the various, variety of situations and events and people that are out there that I must face.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being an active participant within this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my pre-programming to direct me and shape out my world and how I live, instead of establishing/re-establishing these patterns, the patterns that I have created and developed over time within and as myself, into patterns of support, effectiveness, participation, and patterns that support in bringing forth an effectively functional world equally for all who are here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like the idea of the soul because then I don’t have to do the hard work and actually direct myself then use this “soul construct” as the perfect excuse to be lazy and not direct myself in situations moments that are challenging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “when things get tough – abdicate my responsibility to something or someone else other than myself directing me here in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to direct and move me here in every moment as Life to the idea of a soul.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say to myself “things will be ok” and within doing this, not actually directing each and every single aspect of my world effectively, clearly, and decisively but allowing myself to only direct some points half way or not at all, and then go into a state of hope which is actually delusion where I convince myself that the points will be “ok” instead of remaining here within the realization that I am responsible for ALL of myself and that what i do not give direction to, will simply no move or rather always only move in relation to the direction I give it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to spend my life seeking pleasure and things I enjoy doing and to leave the rest of the responsibilities of this world to something or someone else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the soul would take care of all the bigger responsibilities, and thus never considered or gave these points specific definitive direction, and rather just spent my life creating pleasure and joy for myself, while the world crumbles down all around me with me being completely oblivious to it.

And thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand equal to life in all responsibilities of and as life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to establish a relationship of separation where in I have separated myself from life and the soul where in I see these aspects as “beyond me” as “out there” and carry some magical mystical, ultra intelligent, all knowing force, and within this held a point inside myself of someday at some point in the future eventually “being there” and in this simply wait for this moment due to me having defined myself as incapable of understanding or comprehending this ultimate truth, and so just waited for this and lived out my life existing within and as a point of myself as limitation, and thus accepted and allowed a world and life that reflect this idea/belief.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to establish a relationship with some form of a soul/god/higher life purpose/principle, where I am in fact standing within and as a point of inferiority and that this “higher principle” is in a position of superiority, and in this separated myself from my absolute full directive principle of myself HERE where in I am always responsible for my reality and world and self in every way shape or form with my own two hands.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate me from me and in this actually diminish and dis-empower myself through by maintaining  a point within and as myself which believed that I do not have access to myself as the absolute and full creative principle in every moment due to believing that some higher force out there control some aspect or point of myself and thus within this never had stood up as the full complete directive principle of myself and my world IN EVERY WAY, and no more believing that there is some heaven or some existence out there that is wonderful and amazing that one day I will get to experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within thinking / imagining / pondering about other existences or worlds, or heavens existing “out-there” somewhere, that are wonderful and amazing and beyond me and beyond my imagination where I am a kind of god and magical important super being and within this ignore, and forget and disregard this reality that is HERE, and myself and my own world the creation of myself and world IN EVERY MOMENT as every breath.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I am creating myself and world / reality as what is here in every moment of my existence as every breath, based within my acceptances and allowances of who I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as. And in this not realize the extend and absoluteness of myself as creative principle, and that I never stood as this creative principle as I was too busy abdicating this responsibility to some idea of the soul, or higher power or force out there somewhere.

I let go of all desire to experience some “other reality” out the future, and simply remain here within and as breath and realize that if I would like to experience a particular point than I must walk that into creation practically within the physical step by step and actually create the point in this reality in and as the physical, and thus it is important to consider that this creation have no consequential outflow of abuse or harm towards life but act as a mechanism of life support as a common sense consideration of who I am as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest, bring forth corruption on this planet through the acceptance and allowance of the soul construct within me and within others, where by “looking the other way” become a way of life and thus people begin to deceive with ease, as everyone just get so used to not taking responsibility for their actions as consequence that massive corruption take place that manifest a world of liying and cheating and stealing, and secrets, and basically attempting to live without taking responsibility for your actions .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fully accept poverty and starvation within this world and that I have accepted and allowed myself to cultivate starvation and poverty within this world by and through believing in a soul, where in I abdicate my self directive principle and not ever take full responsibility for myself and my realty, and thus leave millions to die and suffer as everyone in this world do not take full responsibility for what is here, and in relation to this, develop the ability to “ignore the consequences of ones actions” and thus end up creating and manifesting such points of poverty and starvation where millions die of hunger, that seemingly is not related to what one is doing and how one live, but in fact is a result of this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is ok to take responsibility for myself some of the time and others its ok not to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am unworthy because I have not been able to communicate with my soul which I perceive as worthy.

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Filed under desteni equallife network, destonian, Realizations, Self forgiveness - Purification

I turn into a Zombie on Saturdays

I was at work today. Today my mind was rattling on as I was digging this one trench. And also during the day the point came up of the mind wanting to go somewhere else, like going home. I was looking at this point of how at work there is moments where I get fixated on this point of wanting the end of the day to come. Or even like wanting lunch to come. Where the entire time I am working I am looking at my watch or the time for that moment when I can finally break. And I was looking at that experience that occur within me when I get off work. That moment of elation that wash over me as I am finally done now and safe in my car and can drive home. So definitely see that This is a mind point that occur everyday after work, when work is finally done and I have this feeling experience come over me like a momentary high. I see that the point would be to simply walk through that transition without going into an emotional experience of being done work but simply walk through as breath and not accepting and allowing the change in environment to create this experience of self which I give power to. I mean why not just be stable here as self all the time, instead of existing at work within the perception of me as a slave waiting to be free at 5:00pm. Another dimension I was looking at also is that the mind wants to escape points of facing self that we have accepted and allowed and now must face, thus mind does not want to work all day, which is actually a point of walking through what we have created as this world and so at work the mind keeps attempting to run and to escape by dreaming about being home instead of here within and as the task at hand.

I was also noticing this in relation to what day of the week it is. For instance today was Saturday and even though it was my first day back to work in a few days I still approached the day like it was a “Saturday” and so I saw this influence point coming up as kind of an “attitude” or accepted and allowed “approach” to “who I am” in relation to Saturdays, specifically when work is involved. I have been aware of this point before from the perspective of simply walking each day the same from the perspective of establishing self within a point of stability where self is not defined and directed by what day of the week it is rather direction/expression of self is determined by Self in every moment, not by some repeating cycle that cycles as the 7 days of the week going through this particular energy cycle. So I I “re-noticed” this point  today. Its like I become this hypnotized by my own definition of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become when it is Saturday. This means that I can/am able to relax more????lol WTF So the other days of the week I am not allowed to relax and I must be tense? Shit that’s interesting because I see that Saturdays I am actually more relaxed due to not feeling stress to work, like the other normal working days of the week. Basically showing me that I am allowing a program to completely determine my experience of self where I am generally more stressed during the week then Saturday I have programmed in that I can be more relaxed so then I do so. WAFU (what a fuck up)  So My Saturday Program means at work that you really take your time and drag your ass, and take long breaks – Its quite strange because even if there is points to direct at work, and there is lots to do, one still  allow the “slack” point to dominate and influence how one move.  And also that this point is unanimously accepted by others so if you decide that you are going to be directive it throws everybody off and you are going against the grain, so just a way how we have all agreed on these particular definitions in terms of how we function within this world and its just accepted and if you do something different you really fuck people’s life up. So This is a point I see I can give some direction to, where I stop adjusting who I am according to what day of the week it is and just direct me within and as breath within a more constant and consistent application of self and stop accepting this pre-programmed reality to determine how I move an function within this world.

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Dream Revealing Where I have Separated Myself.

Ok so I was just writing about a point which came up in a dream last night. This point has to do with how I have abdicated myself from certain aspects of myself and projected them onto/into agreement, where now what comes up is an experience of desire for, and yearning and wanting for an agreement or relationship, though within investigating and opening this point up for myself I see that what I am yearning for here is that “experience” that came up in the dream last night, though have separated from me within believing that this experience can only be had within an agreement and that I must get or find an agreement to fulfil me within my specific yearnings instead of actually “giving these points to myself”

There was a moment in the dream last night where I embraced, hugged another being. Within this, I totally let go, and really sunk into the experience of the embracing, hugging. I experienced the point from the perspective of as if I have/had been traveling, walking a great distance and finally got to that moment where i could just let go, and stop, and relax and breathe. Like I had arrived. Finally, and I can just for a moment let go. It was sooooo nice.

One aspect that has come up as I have wrote about this point is the aspect of how I have defined the point of relationship and agreement and what I have accepted and allowed me to believe about this. One element here has to do with an agreement/relationship making everything easier. Like its easier to have another being around. And also from the perspective of money where with an agreement/relationship, even this point of money and survival become easier to deal with. So from a certain perspective, the experience I had in the dream last night while embracing and hugging the other being had to do with feeling safe, and protected. Like a kind of hiding where I could, can for a moment forget about all the worlds problems, and even in a way, dump all my problems (abdicate my self responsibility) onto this being, and that they will make me feel better and make me safe and protect me and all this stuff. Fuck, actually allot of separation here.

I see that the point is to reclaim my power within these aspects that I have abdicated to the point of agreement/relationship, and realize that this experience I had within the dream last night is an experience so to speak, that I can provide for myself alone, and that I can stop projecting these aspects outside self, but rather start to investigate how I can transform my experience of me within the expression / application of self to include these points which I have separated from myself.

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Filed under Realizations, Recreation of Self - Desteni I Process

Having a Closer Look at my Day – Desteni Process Blog

I woke up to my alarm this morning at 6am…I got up and looked out the window to see if it had snowed. It had not so this meant I did not have to go out to work, which I was not expecting anyways. So I got back under my warm covers telling myself it was only for a moment. I laid there and allowed the point of possibly falling back to sleep all the while attempting to motivate myself through thinking to get up and out of bed. I eventually got up at 6:45. I experienced anger and guilt. But not allot, where I find the longer I sleep in past my alarm then the more anger and guilt I experience, depending also on where I am “in the cycle” meaning if this is a repeating point then I tend to become more angry and have more guilt. Ok so I was up and was a bit angry with myself but not much I can do about it now.
I don’t see, or have found that I am not able to “forgive myself” for doing this, because that would be like trying to forgive yourself “after the fact” for doing something instead of applying forgiveness in the moment to support self to push through a specific resistance. The correction for this point as I have I am sure mentioned before is to simply stick to the alarm and stop allowing myself to short change myself when I see I am capable of doing something.
On my way to work this afternoon I decided to stop and get a coffee which I often do when going to work, I noticed as I pulled up into the parking-lot that I experienced a little electrical experience of excitement rising out of my stomach and into my chest area, like one of those “sparkler thingy’s” that you light and they fizzzzzz and shoot off bright sparks all over. This was definitely a positive charge from the perspective of maybe possibly seeing someone that I might find attractive working or being in the cafe, so it is like this aspect of relationship still existing inside of me which “pops up” in moments because I can see that this seemingly small electrical charge that came up is actually connected to the relationship point and sex point.
As I walked towards the cafe from my van, In one moment I lost my footing on the ice and nearly fell but adjusted my feet in time to catch myself before I fell. I experienced my ‘ego’ come up immediately and showed me how extensively I was/am existing within my ego personality from the perspective when I slipped I experienced embarrassment as now my ‘image’ of who I was in that moment existing as completely shattered, as in that moment I was cool and collected, and serious, and professional, and precise and surely do not slip on the ice and flail my arms all about to try and re-gain balance. So it was a physical movement point here to in how I move within my specific presentation. Such a fuck up as the “Flux” I experienced as movement as embarrassment was quite allot from my perspective which indicate the degree I was not Here but rather existing as an ego, and I am seeing to also how this become more prominent as I go out in public. Upon entering the cafe I experienced immediate relief within myself, like a point of inner relaxation come over me as I noticed it was a male working the till, as I experienced fear that there may be an attractive women working the till. This is actually quite an odd point. Ok so I experience excitement within myself that I might encounter an attractive women. But then I go into fear over this point to the degree where I tense up and am no longer myself at all, and then when seeing it is a male working the till, I completely relax and am able to “be myself” otherwise I would just be this robot locked in fear if it were an attractive women. So yes obviously this point requires specific direction so that I no longer have this reaction at all to women but rather get to the point where I am not longer controlled by this point but that I am directive, here, myself, with no matter who.
I Got my coffee and went, I did not tip, felt a slight negative charge, guilt, what will they think that I did not tip.
Coffee was perfect. I was pleased and looked at the person who made my coffee thinking he is experienced at his job and is stable in making the coffees and so got a cool coffee.
When I got to work I again experienced that slight excitement within rising from my stomach into my chest, this was due to a worker that I have not yet met but only know of and wondering if today maybe I will meet this person and what she might look like. So same point as before, relationship and sex. In these moments I simply breath and do not go into the point. Sometimes I go into it but I realize the point is to simply not, to breathe and just breathe and support self to remain here with and as self and stop all participation in energy, this is the understanding that I apply.
You know, what goes up must come down. I am seeing this point now as well within my writing here from the perspective of writing from and within the starting point of energy where in if I build up all this energy to write a blog and then launch myself into it, it is like this rolling ball of momentum until the energy runs out and then the blog is over. Rather I see the point of being constant and consistent within the point of writing where I support myself by not accepting and allowing myself to go into energy when I write as what goes up must come down. So within this I can support myself in my process as I do much writing and have been exploring this point of remaining Here within and as the physical as I direct myself within my world and in this case writing as a way to be more consistent and not “burn out” all of the sudden.
So will be cool also to just expand this point and identify all the moments and points within my world where I access energy and to stabilize myself here by rather than moving within my day within and as energy, I direct myself within and as the physical and stick to the physical and breath as I walk. It is quite interesting to see how extensively I have existed within energy in my life as I always considered myself to be “more stable” and not so much energetic but am now seeing that I live much of the time within and as energy, and so to step out of this “existing as energy” has been cool, and from a certain perspective has only just begun. This entire reality is based on energy, on positive and negative and so will be pretty cool to see how it goes in terms of walking the process of “stepping out of energy” from the perspective of being directed and moved and influenced by this but rather where one direct oneself Here as Life as the practical consideration of what is best for all. So it is a change in principle so to speak, from the principle of directing myself according to energy, to directing oneself according to what is best for all.

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Self Forgiveness – Stop Creating my Self, rather, be myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to each day believe that I am not doing good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly attempt to ‘be more’ because I have not accepted myself as who I am, and simply express that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am wasting my time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted myself as who I am currently existing as, from the perspective of letting go of the desire to ‘be more’ or do something that is ‘more’ or ‘better’ than who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be dissatisfied with myself as who I am, and how I live my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel each day that I have not done enough, and within this struggle nearly every day of my life, to live in such a way that I get enough done in that day, and I discover points about myself in that day, so that I can be satisfied with myself and accept myself, instead of living in self acceptance NO MATTER WHAT. No matter what I do or do not do, or find out, or do not find out about myself, but simply accept myself in every moment.

Why I am not satisfied with myself.

Because I feel like I am not doing a service to humanity or existence from the perspective of supporting to the degree that I will be satisfied with. Because I do not understand existence, or rather, that I do not accept my level of understanding.

This brings up and interesting point – that at times I find, I want more, I want to know more, I want to be more, I want to be capable of more, yet, I have not even become effective with what I do know, understand, and am capable of.  I have not become effective with who I currently am. So it’s a point of ‘forgetting’ simplicity. From the perspective of taking who you are, or who I am currently, and working with that, and not requiring to know more, or be more, in order to be effective, but first, get effective with who I am currently.

So the point is, I do not have to become something I am not, I simply have to express me. Allow myself to express me as who I am and who I am naturally. Not trying to be better or more, but take who I currently am, and apply that, so to speak. And within this become effective with who I am. So it is not to look “out there” for that ability to “be who I desire to be” in so that I will be satisfied with how I live my life,  but to accept myself, and be myself, and express myself

So what is self expression then!

How I will be satisfied with my life, if I express myself in self honesty.

Because I will be effective in supporting others, Then what I say is not a lie, if it is me expressing myself in self honesty. And I will be satisfied because I will then no longer be misunderstood, because what I express, and what I express is me in fact, which cannot be disputed.

With being myself, I do not have to rush, to be somewhere else, or become something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself within writing, because I am attempting to move as fast as possible to build myself up as fast as possible, because I have not accepted myself. And within this not yet having accepted myself, I strive to create someone better, someone who is satisfied. And thus, within attempting to create this ‘someone’ I ‘rush’ through everything to hopefully, finally arrive a point where I am someone I want to be, and than within this can finally rest for a moment and be here. Instead of stopping, and accepting myself in this moment, and within this allow myself to be here in this moment.

Here as in, not needing to create myself into something better, or more, not requiring to get everything done so I can be satisfied with myself.

You cannot create yourself, you are yourself. So not matter what you do, you are not actually able to create yourself. Thus you do not change, ever, nothing ever changes, change is an illusion. I have always been who I am, and I always will be this.

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Self Forgiveness – Sept 22

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone writing, drawing, and basically my process, from the perspective that I have allowed myself to ‘not’ do those things, but instead, give in to ‘energy’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into energy as tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I don’t have enough time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “in the moment when opportunity comes to either ‘push through’ or give in to tiredness/energy”, give up, through accepting and allowing myself to participate with the excuse of, I am to tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want process to be easier from the perspective that writing and art come with ease rather than having to push myself to do them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up and give in to energy, now that I am on the farm because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “things are more difficult now” and thus give in to energy when It comes up.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to do process from me

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to exist as self will

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to push myself because I do not see others pushing themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself exist within and as pressure until finally I cannot take it and I end up getting a headache because I am attempting to do everything in my mind as a projection.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to push myself to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I push myself, things will become more difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off posting in the internet on my blog and facebook, and within this disregard all the starving children in the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the actual state of existence, and within doing this attempt to live out my life, and create for myself a decent life, rather than actually standing in every moment for those who are less fortunate, from the perspective of sorting myself out and sorting this world out.

I forgive myself that  I have accepted and allowed myself to create resistance within me, as me, and then believe that there is nothing I can do about it, even though I created it in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently is all I can be, and that all the shit I have accepted and allowed as myself , must remain and there is nothing I can do about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself into a point where I no longer believe that I am the creator of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want insight to come to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit and wait for insight and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on others for insight and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that insight and common sense are more difficult for me because I am older.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain a construct, a system, as Andrew Gable, instead of actually doing anything about it to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must sleep a certain number of hours each night, and if I go out of that routine of sleeping that many hours, that I must now, ‘catch up’ by sleeping more hours.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself, believing that by rushing myself that I will get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a constant application because I believe that it will be difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quite before I even begin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just go along with things, because its easier that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto friendships, rather than apply myself in what requires to be done, meaning that I may not have time to chit chat and bull shit with people here on the farm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself conditionally, meaning, Not in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rest from directing myself in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within limitation believing that there is only so much one can do in a day, and within this, I allow myself to postpone applying myself in writing and art, where in participate with the thought inside myself of ‘there is only so much one can in a day”

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to push myself because I am tired, and would rather sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing myself from the perspective of building up pressure inside me and causing myself pain.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider that the pressure build up which I believe causes my headaches could actually be because I do not apply myself and push myself to apply myself, and therefore, I then instead of applying myself as here as breath in real physical action, think about what I might do, or go into guilt for not doing something, or because I did not do that thing, I then think about  the thing I did not do, and this is what is causing the pressure inside me, Not applying myself physically, and pushing myself, which means applying myself physically here as breath.

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