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The Gift of Responsibility – Oct 17/10

A Clarification/Self Correction with Regards to Self Responsibility.


I have realized a point with regards to Self Responsibility where I have seen within myself and my world where I was accepting and allowing a point of limitation. This revealed as I was busy searching for a job. As I would go through each listing, and explore different possibilities, I noticed that some jobs in particular “called-for” a certain degree of Responsibility and commitment of the individual. When applying for jobs of this nature, I ‘observed’ the point of where I would think to myself that if I were to do that job, I would really be taking on a point of responsibility and in that I would be able to develop myself within this point of responsibility. What I noticed though was that in doing this I was actually accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the point of self responsibility that exist Here in every moment, from the perspective of believing that I must first have a job which demanded commitment and responsibility before I was apply to be responsible or committed. I had abdicated this point of self responsibility and commitment from myself Here, to a point “out there”, as a job, which if I had, would then require me to be responsible and committed. I have realized within this that I was limiting myself from the perspective of not considering the point of actually taking on responsibility and commitment HERE as Myself in each and every moment, and not “wait” in order to this, in by first having a certain job that allowed me to be responsible and committed. I had abdicated and separated myself from “my power” as myself HERE in the moment. Not allowing myself to Walk Absolute Self Responsibility and Commitment Here as myself in every moment. I do not have to wait for job to do this. Thus within this realization I correct myself in by seeing and realizing that the point of self responsibility is able to walked HERE in each and every moment as myself. No more waiting, so to speak. But rather I direct myself HERE within my world in this point of responsibility that I observed and seen within certain specific jobs. I realize that I do not require a job first to be responsible, and walk dedication, commitment, and self responsibility, but that this is something that Self Must Walk in every moment and every breath. Thus Self Responsibility is Here as Myself and I no longer accept and allow myself to limit myself within the believe that I am not able to develop the point of self responsibility from where I stand in this moment. I give me back my power, and as I see that in waiting, I am only coming up with excuses and justifications as to why or how my current situation is not good enough, or does not have the right aspects to be able to develop me in the way that I want. I no longer accept and allow this abdication of myself as self responsibility and self commitment. I see that I was only limiting myself within my expression and application of self and thus Stand Corrected Here as myself, and apply myself within the ‘absolute’ point of self responsibility and self commitment that I had perceived to be out there somewhere. Thus, this gives new ‘meaning’ so to speak. To getting up in the morning. And no more accepting and allowing myself to exist within a point of not standing up within my world, in every moment of my world as self responsibility, commitment, and dedication, no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing, no matter if I am at a job or not, as I see that in not doing this is now only an excuse within self ignorance as I see the point of being able to stand as absolute Self Responsibility HERE in every moment. Self Responsibility is the Gift I give to myself as I will myself to Direct myself within my world as the absolute point of self responsibility and no longer separate me from this possibility, from this Responsibility. And no longer accept and allow the limitation of believing that the “greater responsibility” lies “out-there” somewhere. It is Here as Myself , though it is required to be walked, embraced, and lived as myself where I bring this realization into and as myself as a living application of Self.


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Living a Lie! – Re-Program Yourself.

Going to start tonight by writing about this point that opened up today in relation to communicating with other beings. I went out today to do a bit of work in the furniture shop that I worked in and so I arrived and spoke briefly to my co-worker who was there and then I continued on my way getting busy with what I was there to do. I have actually never had a “real conversation with this being” but within the particular environment that we are in – that being work related – the conversation has been mostly business. Anyways today when I came in, I was only there for a short while and there was this moment, the moment right before I made the decision to leave, that I was in the moment also considering the point of just speaking a little bit to the being, instead of just leaving. Just simply a point of opening a conversation. And as I walked out the door, I saw how in that moment I actually suppressed myself from communicating, and so in that moment you can say, “this point” of “communicating with others began to emerge” I realized in that moment that I actually had just suppressed myself from the perspective also of simply allowing “old patterns” to direct me in how I “used to be” in relation to others, and more specifically, what I accepted and allowed myself and others to exist within and as in terms of communication and interaction.  In that moment I then “flag-pointed” the experience where if I were to see this point come up again that I would push myself to “speak – up” The later on that day as I was/am now home, I was speaking to my roommate and as I was speaking, I could see the point coming up of “how I was supposed to interact with this person” The point that I saw infolded from the perspective of first seeing the point of How I used to communicate and interact with women in my world, and then also noticing that “my communication” in that moment was actually such due to definitions I had/have placed on how a male and female are supposed to interact. Within seeing this I the realized that I cannot simply continue to allow myself to interact/communicate with this being in this way, as this was not based in equality but rather “how society has created and placed the point of how male and female are supposed to interact” which I had simply accepted within and as myself. So the question then came up, Ok, so how then do I communicate with this person from the starting point of equality and what is best for all. I then saw the point of “myself” simply treat this being the same way that I would want to be treated. So rather than look at this particular being as a women who is talking/speaking to male, address them within equality, as equal to yourself, and communicate with them as equals, How do I like to be communicated with, what do I find ‘cool’ conversation is like. So within seeing this I could see the points of actually I enjoy when people are relaxed and are actually willing to go into a conversation and simply not just remain on the surface of things. Then I turned my attention to my other roommate and realized that there was like a blockage and a resistance there, as in I experienced myself within communication towards him, as doing it in a very one dimensional kind of way. In that moment I place myself as the being from the perspective of “Am I communicating to this being, Equally to how I would want to be communicated with” and I saw the point then, that I was in fact only speaking to him and addressing him from the perspective of how I perceived and defined him to be. So the correction is to Place myself as the reference point, where actually all beings are equal as beings, and so to establish that point of equality with all and each so that one communicate and interact from this perspective. So I place me as the reference point as to “how to communicate with another” when ever I encounter a moment where I do not know what to say or how to interact or that I see I am judging a being – In these moments I simply stop and establish my starting point of communication where in I speak to the being within the point of equality in where I communicate to them equally how I would prefer to be communicated with and essentially “How I treat Me” thus I give to them what I want for myself, in communication. So pretty cool point.  The about an hour ago or so I received a comment by Marlen on One of my Blogs speaking specifically about this point of communication. The Comment was in relation to a Blog post I wrote were I was observing how individuals interacted within this world and how this point of interaction was/is actually based on lies and essentially, very superficial bullshit nonsense to put abruptly. Although when I wrote this blog two days ago I missed one point. That it was written from the perspective of actually accepting and allowing this kind/type of communication to exist, where in, I was/had actually placed myself ‘subject’ to it ‘powerless’ to it so to speak, where I was actually accepting that “this is just the way things are” and had not actually considered the point of actually taking it upon myself to simply STOP this kind of communication by and through me simply Not accepting and allowing myself to remain “on the surface” so to speak, from the perspective of feeling/experiencing myself as subject to “what the other wants to talk about” even though I would rather speak direct, to the point, and actually get the truth and hear of the conversation in every moment, I simply would place myself at the ‘whim’ of “where the other was” and what they wanted to talk about. I mean sometimes I would push a little bit, and kind of open points up some, but I was very tentative, and delicate so to speak in the manner. Doing this primarily from the starting point of fear. Of not wanting to ruffle any feathers or upset someone, or cause a contradiction. Its like I would project into the future what might happen if I speak direct on a point and assume the being will react. And what I did was simply allow myself an others to exist within relationships and communications that were for the most part, pointless, and simply just filling space. No actually substance or direction. What I see now was/is that I was ‘waiting’ “waiting for the write moment” and this being in relation to comfort ability, and just assuming that if I were to actually inquire and question a being that they would close up and the conversation would not go anywhere and they would get uncomfortable. And I was not trusting myself within my ability to facilitate the opening up of a conversation or point where I was/am able to walk through that initial stage of “being uncomfortable” with another, which is not valid anyways, because to be directed by uncomfortabilty is to be directed by the mind. And so ultimately what I see here is that I was actually still supporting “how things are” in terms of “how communication and interaction between beings currently exist” because I was unwilling to actually “ push through the barriers that people place, that I had simply accepted as “Valid” and actually get to some real direct actual communication that will assist and support the being, myself, and the emergence of equality and and equal money system. I allowed “how things are” to direct me. I was tacitly participating with the point of “oh its just the way things are” and not actually Pushing the change, Me Simply Standing Up and Not Accepting this world the way it exists, where in I actually DIRECT myself to change How I interact within this world, and STOP accepting that I am powerless to do anything about it, and within this accepted and allowed powerless, just wait. So pretty cool to see this point.  Its quite obvious now. Its like those “small moments” where I observe what a being is doing, but simply talk to them on a level that is clearly in absolute ignorance, meaning both see the REAL point that is HERE but filter and interact in such a way that it will not, is not getting addressed.  I no longer accept and
allow myself to simply “let this be” A passive approach to this reality is exactly how I created manifested the world around me, I just sat back and observed everything, always observing and seeing much, but not speaking, not saying what I actually see and experience. “what if Im wrong” or even better and more prominent “what if I offend them” Fucking Bullshit. So this point is clear within what I am required to do from the perspective of me directing myself within understanding of why I am/will be directing myself in this manner, to no more accept and allow myself to exist as the mind, as how I have always existed as. I transform myself within communication by speaking up, as a participant, and no more accept and allow me to be an observer, and when I encounter moments where I see a point, and I want to hold back, and “let someone off the hook” I speak up,  I speak about what I see, and simply share my perspective, offering a perspective that may actually assist the being, instead of keeping quite. So quite an interesting point here that has come up.

For me to become visible, I must participate, I must comment, I must engage my world and my reality as a participant. Not accepting or allowing myself to exist only as an observer in waiting. And thus this is what I do, I speak, I comment, I add “my two sense” I participate. Otherwise I simply just disappear.

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Self Forgiveness – Stop Creating my Self, rather, be myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to each day believe that I am not doing good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly attempt to ‘be more’ because I have not accepted myself as who I am, and simply express that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am wasting my time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted myself as who I am currently existing as, from the perspective of letting go of the desire to ‘be more’ or do something that is ‘more’ or ‘better’ than who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be dissatisfied with myself as who I am, and how I live my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel each day that I have not done enough, and within this struggle nearly every day of my life, to live in such a way that I get enough done in that day, and I discover points about myself in that day, so that I can be satisfied with myself and accept myself, instead of living in self acceptance NO MATTER WHAT. No matter what I do or do not do, or find out, or do not find out about myself, but simply accept myself in every moment.

Why I am not satisfied with myself.

Because I feel like I am not doing a service to humanity or existence from the perspective of supporting to the degree that I will be satisfied with. Because I do not understand existence, or rather, that I do not accept my level of understanding.

This brings up and interesting point – that at times I find, I want more, I want to know more, I want to be more, I want to be capable of more, yet, I have not even become effective with what I do know, understand, and am capable of.  I have not become effective with who I currently am. So it’s a point of ‘forgetting’ simplicity. From the perspective of taking who you are, or who I am currently, and working with that, and not requiring to know more, or be more, in order to be effective, but first, get effective with who I am currently.

So the point is, I do not have to become something I am not, I simply have to express me. Allow myself to express me as who I am and who I am naturally. Not trying to be better or more, but take who I currently am, and apply that, so to speak. And within this become effective with who I am. So it is not to look “out there” for that ability to “be who I desire to be” in so that I will be satisfied with how I live my life,  but to accept myself, and be myself, and express myself

So what is self expression then!

How I will be satisfied with my life, if I express myself in self honesty.

Because I will be effective in supporting others, Then what I say is not a lie, if it is me expressing myself in self honesty. And I will be satisfied because I will then no longer be misunderstood, because what I express, and what I express is me in fact, which cannot be disputed.

With being myself, I do not have to rush, to be somewhere else, or become something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself within writing, because I am attempting to move as fast as possible to build myself up as fast as possible, because I have not accepted myself. And within this not yet having accepted myself, I strive to create someone better, someone who is satisfied. And thus, within attempting to create this ‘someone’ I ‘rush’ through everything to hopefully, finally arrive a point where I am someone I want to be, and than within this can finally rest for a moment and be here. Instead of stopping, and accepting myself in this moment, and within this allow myself to be here in this moment.

Here as in, not needing to create myself into something better, or more, not requiring to get everything done so I can be satisfied with myself.

You cannot create yourself, you are yourself. So not matter what you do, you are not actually able to create yourself. Thus you do not change, ever, nothing ever changes, change is an illusion. I have always been who I am, and I always will be this.

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