Tag Archives: self will

Self Forgiveness on “The Soul”

 

Self Forgiveness on Soul.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there existed a soul within me that pass over and continue existing when I die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “not know” if there was a soul within me or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my soul is more pure than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there can be an aspect of myself that Is more pure existing independent from other aspects of myself, and in this way separate myself from the soul, where in I exist in separation to the soul.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing an aspect of myself to exist independent from me, where in it just kind of does its own thing, and within I do not direct all of myself here, and am also implying a lack of awareness of self in that there is apparently as aspect of me that is all knowing and pure, that I have not actual direct, in fact relationship with at all, but that only exist as an idea in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my soul is better and superior than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a soul because this would mean that I live forever and that is what I want. I don’t want to die because I fear dying and I like being alive, and I don’t want to die. And thus hoped that there was soul, and within this actually separated myself from my responsibility to decide for myself if I live or die, but have believed that I have no choice in the matter, as Death is “beyond me” and all-mighty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place death and the soul in the same category, where in I see the soul as good and death as black and scary.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my idea/perception of what I think death is, where I have created this whole idea of what I think death will be like, and then fear that Idea. And thus am not really fearing death, per-se but more fearing an idea that I have created within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the soul and things related to the existence of the soul as “higher than me” and within this imply that I am limited and less than, here within this physical body within this life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand within and as limitation which I imposed on myself through accepting and allowing this idea of the soul.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the human physical body as well as this physical world as planet earth as limited and not take into consideration ourselves as limitless beings where ever we are in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself to such an extent that I believed that I was unable to commune with the soul or anything that was from this realm, and thus existed within a state of limitation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find it hard to believe that we are not limited as/within the human physical body here in the physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the soul as the ultimate good, and that in the end “man is good” because the soul is good. And to not really believe in the devil and the bad, because “that stuff can’t exist” because everyone has a soul, and a soul is good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get confused within all this information and ideas about the soul.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am automatically good, as I have accepted myself as having / being a soul, and have defined/believed this to be ultimately good, and within this I forgive myself for not considering that I AM WHO I AM, and thats that, in relation to the context of how I live in my day to day moment to moment application of self here as who I am in every moment where in “A soul is not responsible for me and who I am” I am responsible for me and who I am based on how I live and apply myself day to day, in every moment of my existence here, and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself as who I am into2 categories only, either being bad or good.

Thus I stop such allowances and acceptances of self. I let go of this delusion that somehow “the sou” defines me, and I realize that who I am, is who I am based on my moment to moment application of self and all of myself as me. That is really who I am. And Thus I face the point that there is “no free pass” which I had accepted and allowed myself to exist within, within believing that there was a soul. There is not free pass, there is not “guiding light” I guide myself HERE in full responsibility for and as myself and I take responsibility for my actions and I realize that my actions have consequences and this is also another way to assess who I am in fact which is not related to something that does not even exist, but that I “hold as an idea only” as my saving grace and guiding light to always guide me out of the darkness, instead of taking back my directive principle and walking Here for and as Myself in and As Total Self Direction and Responsibility for and as Myself, as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design an idea that act as my “guiding light” of me never having to actually walk and live for myself, walking into the darkness and trusting myself every step of the way, alone with no guiding light, but only me myself Here with and as myself as self support.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to trust me without the soul guiding me to make sure I do not fall off the path, and thus whenever I walked into a situation, placed my trust in the soul as this ultimate guiding force, instead of standing HERE within and as Self Trust, and developing the ability to walk within and as Self Trust in every moment and every situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wander endlessly in the dark while all this atrocious shit happens in this world, because I had completely abdicating my self directive principle of myself to some higher force/soul as a guiding light. Where in I placed my trust in this soul or higher force to know whats best for me, and thus I never actually grab the wheel and steer myself and direct myself for and as myself. Within this using practical common sense to sort out the mess that is here as this world and put an end to the abuse and atrocities in this world through simply by directing my actions within common sense instead of floating around where all of my directive power is placed within some higher being to decide for me, to make the right choices for me within my life, instead of me directing me here in every moment, decision and choice that I am faced with in each moment no matter how big or small.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wander within my mind/idea of the soul as my guiding light, and within this never actually learn how to direct this reality that is here as the physical into a world that supports all and is best for all and is an effective reality and supports life, because I was to busy wandering around within this point of just “doing stuff” because the soul as guiding light will take care of all the important decisions in my life, and thus MISS my entire life in where I never actually direct myself within the important decisions, or any decisions and this world crumble around us as we all blissfully stair into the light, and never actually starting directing ourselves within establishing the necessary relationships, real relationships based on practical common sense and supporting what is here as this planet we live in and taking full responsibility for this and stop abdicating this to some higher force or god or soul as guiding light in all of this, where the entire world just existing in disarray within the belief that we are beig guided and directed by something more than us, like an ultimate greater good, instead of all of us here pulling our heads from our assess and start creating our world for ourselves in a way that no longer accepted and allow abuse and that actually support ourselves as life within and as our self expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “dream about the soul” where I would know all the answers and do everything correctly and never make a mistake, but not bringing this point back to self and walking the practical step by step application of actually developing the ability to make effective decisions for myself instead of just “wanting this to happen instantly” in terms of how I believed the soul to be.

I forgive myself for not considering that if I am a soul than I will still have to direct myself as I do now in this life, and that “things never happen automatically” thus the point is that I simply must walk the necessary steps to become an effective decision maker so that “I know what to do” instead of thinking and believing that this will magically happen to me, without me taking responsibility for myself and leaning to walk and do this for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within believing in the soul and soul construct become passive and non-committal and subdued, where in I am never really active, and engaged within my reality in every moment where I am an active participating within and as my world, due to abdicating this responsibility to the soul within accepting the idea that the soul essentially is guiding me and making my decisions anyways.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never really learn how to commit myself to a decision and follow through with that because at some point I would give up and not take responsibility for my world, because I believed the soul was taking care of this anyways and thus “it would turn out for the best”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look to the soul for answers to my questions about life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because there is no consequence that I see/experience in a moment of actions, that this means its “ok” and within this not consider the consequences that flow-out from such actions and that will in the end create and define my world and who I am.

Thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because I do not immediately see/experience a consequence related to my actions/self doesn’t mean that there isn’t one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my “best interest” to a higher power, instead of directing this as who I am in every breath as every moment of my existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self direction as hopeless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within realizing that I must move and direct myself, actually go into a point/experience of fear of actually willing myself to move and direct myself in all situations and events in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as powerless within this life because I could never get clear answers from the soul. And that I did not trust myself to direct myself in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted myself as limited through by accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation from life where in I saw/see/perceive life to be “so much bigger” than me and how could I be equal with/as life in order to make decisions that affected life. And thus I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to see me as inferior to life, and inadequate in relation to life, always placing myself beneath life and never actually able or capable of standing equal and one with life, and directing myself as life and directing life as myself equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I would fuck life up if I had the responsibility to direct life, and thus never saw myself as capable of having the responsibility to direct “the greater life” that is here, not realizing that I am in fact doing this already in every moment that I am here, in my moment to moment living application of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop the idea within myself that “man is useless” because everything that ever showed a high skill level was attributed to “the divine” and so accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only way to “become better” was to have god or the divine possess me and express through me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that really good art was done by the hand of god, which implied that the “soul” was the ultimate creator/expressor and had some magical meaning or insight and that man is really not capable of this, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “look for the divine” as a point of self improvement instead of developing the trust, courage and will power to do this for myself through discipline practical step by step walking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself so that the soul can exist where in I no longer direct myself as who I am as an equal part of life, but suppress myself in relation to the idea that I soul is apparently directing me and within this wonder around this world with no real, clear, decisive direction of self in my application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret not learning how to direct myself when I was younger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there must be some mistake, and that the way that I lived and directed myself was correct, and that how could I have lived most of my life without actually Standing within and as myself and my world as the directive principle of me and my world.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in moments give up on my as the directive principle and want to rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping and resting as me as the directive principle because I fear the consequences of this, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not able to actually see the consequences of my actions/self standing in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear “going out on my own” and directing myself within and as my world in every moment because I fear facing my world and all the various, variety of situations and events and people that are out there that I must face.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being an active participant within this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my pre-programming to direct me and shape out my world and how I live, instead of establishing/re-establishing these patterns, the patterns that I have created and developed over time within and as myself, into patterns of support, effectiveness, participation, and patterns that support in bringing forth an effectively functional world equally for all who are here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like the idea of the soul because then I don’t have to do the hard work and actually direct myself then use this “soul construct” as the perfect excuse to be lazy and not direct myself in situations moments that are challenging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “when things get tough – abdicate my responsibility to something or someone else other than myself directing me here in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to direct and move me here in every moment as Life to the idea of a soul.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say to myself “things will be ok” and within doing this, not actually directing each and every single aspect of my world effectively, clearly, and decisively but allowing myself to only direct some points half way or not at all, and then go into a state of hope which is actually delusion where I convince myself that the points will be “ok” instead of remaining here within the realization that I am responsible for ALL of myself and that what i do not give direction to, will simply no move or rather always only move in relation to the direction I give it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to spend my life seeking pleasure and things I enjoy doing and to leave the rest of the responsibilities of this world to something or someone else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the soul would take care of all the bigger responsibilities, and thus never considered or gave these points specific definitive direction, and rather just spent my life creating pleasure and joy for myself, while the world crumbles down all around me with me being completely oblivious to it.

And thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand equal to life in all responsibilities of and as life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to establish a relationship of separation where in I have separated myself from life and the soul where in I see these aspects as “beyond me” as “out there” and carry some magical mystical, ultra intelligent, all knowing force, and within this held a point inside myself of someday at some point in the future eventually “being there” and in this simply wait for this moment due to me having defined myself as incapable of understanding or comprehending this ultimate truth, and so just waited for this and lived out my life existing within and as a point of myself as limitation, and thus accepted and allowed a world and life that reflect this idea/belief.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to establish a relationship with some form of a soul/god/higher life purpose/principle, where I am in fact standing within and as a point of inferiority and that this “higher principle” is in a position of superiority, and in this separated myself from my absolute full directive principle of myself HERE where in I am always responsible for my reality and world and self in every way shape or form with my own two hands.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate me from me and in this actually diminish and dis-empower myself through by maintaining  a point within and as myself which believed that I do not have access to myself as the absolute and full creative principle in every moment due to believing that some higher force out there control some aspect or point of myself and thus within this never had stood up as the full complete directive principle of myself and my world IN EVERY WAY, and no more believing that there is some heaven or some existence out there that is wonderful and amazing that one day I will get to experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within thinking / imagining / pondering about other existences or worlds, or heavens existing “out-there” somewhere, that are wonderful and amazing and beyond me and beyond my imagination where I am a kind of god and magical important super being and within this ignore, and forget and disregard this reality that is HERE, and myself and my own world the creation of myself and world IN EVERY MOMENT as every breath.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I am creating myself and world / reality as what is here in every moment of my existence as every breath, based within my acceptances and allowances of who I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as. And in this not realize the extend and absoluteness of myself as creative principle, and that I never stood as this creative principle as I was too busy abdicating this responsibility to some idea of the soul, or higher power or force out there somewhere.

I let go of all desire to experience some “other reality” out the future, and simply remain here within and as breath and realize that if I would like to experience a particular point than I must walk that into creation practically within the physical step by step and actually create the point in this reality in and as the physical, and thus it is important to consider that this creation have no consequential outflow of abuse or harm towards life but act as a mechanism of life support as a common sense consideration of who I am as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest, bring forth corruption on this planet through the acceptance and allowance of the soul construct within me and within others, where by “looking the other way” become a way of life and thus people begin to deceive with ease, as everyone just get so used to not taking responsibility for their actions as consequence that massive corruption take place that manifest a world of liying and cheating and stealing, and secrets, and basically attempting to live without taking responsibility for your actions .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fully accept poverty and starvation within this world and that I have accepted and allowed myself to cultivate starvation and poverty within this world by and through believing in a soul, where in I abdicate my self directive principle and not ever take full responsibility for myself and my realty, and thus leave millions to die and suffer as everyone in this world do not take full responsibility for what is here, and in relation to this, develop the ability to “ignore the consequences of ones actions” and thus end up creating and manifesting such points of poverty and starvation where millions die of hunger, that seemingly is not related to what one is doing and how one live, but in fact is a result of this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is ok to take responsibility for myself some of the time and others its ok not to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am unworthy because I have not been able to communicate with my soul which I perceive as worthy.

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Filed under desteni equallife network, destonian, Realizations, Self forgiveness - Purification

We Require New Breed of Politicans and World Leaders.

 

I am continuing my investigation into the Canadian Political System, particularly the election process, as I follow the latest election that is underway here in Canada.

Today I am going to take a look at a statement made by Liberal Party leader Micheal Ignatieff within his unveiling of what is called “The Learning Passport” which is a proposed program which gives extra funding to those enrolled and who will be enrolling in post secondary education.

What I find to be quite interesting as I continue to follow the election is the “short-sightedness” of our political leaders and for that matter the people who are not only going along with this but also cheering their favourite candidate, no matter if what is being presented as ‘solutions’ is nothing more than an attempt to fix or make better our current system but that is in fact missing the point entirely of what is required to actually bring forth an actual permanent change to this world that will support in establishing a management system that support the betterment of man and the well being of all that is here.

So to help illustrate this ‘shortsightedness’ that I have been observing within the debates, topics, discussions, policies, of the election thus far I will focus on a statement made by the Leader of the Liberal Party in his unveiling his educational program.

I understand that it is not to blame politicians because from a certain perspective they are perhaps making the best out of what they had available to them such as education or family environment or the social system they were raised etc…Though at this point in time it is becoming clear that the world we have created is quite a mess, and we are going to require not just amendments to the current system but rather quite a drastic transformation of what is here in order to bring about a world that is actually dignified and ultimately valid in terms of considering the point of continuing our existence as a race. because I mean at this current rate, I am finding it difficult to justify at all why we are even Here on this planet if all we are going to do is abuse it and abuse ourselves,  and each other. So thus we need to drastically shift our political considerations, which from my perspective will take many years of re-education to effectively detangle from within ourselves the embedded belief systems/strucutres which our current politicians are at the moment acting within and that in fact only cause and create more harm and abuse and inequality within this world.

So Liberal Party Leader Micheal Ignatieff stated within his unveiling of the “Learning Passport” that no Canadian should be “denied a world class education in the machine room of the Canadian economy”

First of all he is referring to Universities and Colleges as “The Machine Room” which in itself is true to a certain extent as education within Canada has effectively become about preparing individuals to be able to perform very specific/specialized tasks so that when they finish University that they are able to walk out into the world and fill a very specific role within the already existent system. Essentially turning individuals into machines to function within the system.

He also mentioned that these Universities are the “Machine room of the Canadian Economy”.

Now this is quite a startling implication being made within this above statement by Micheal Ignatieff as within this statement has reduced education to being specifically for the “Canadian Economy”. I have a question. What happen to Life? What happen to Self Expression? Or has our entire Learning/Education process of this world become simply to prepare us to make Money within the system. Which is Exactly what is being implied within such statement as mentioned above, and what is even scarier is that this is being spoken of without him even batting an eye, meaning there is no awareness at all within the being what so ever that his/this ‘view’ of reality is not actually in alignment with actual real life in terms of a Life as that which can be considered in any way Dignified. Nope. Rather What is being implied in this statement that no Canadian should be “denied a world class education in the machine room of the Canadian economy” is that in essence all an education has become in this world is a machine room to create perfect money making machines to support the capitalistic system that we have in place. And let us not forget that this is also being considered to be “World Class” education as well.

This is why I support what Desteni Propose as an Equal Money System, because the discussion within and around Desteni and the Equal Money System are more in line with looking at how to create and educational system that if fact support the development of the human being as Life Form in where we are essentially ultimately looking at perfection. The perfection of ourselves as an expression of Life. Not fucking limiting education to that which is designed to create the best money making robots as possible.

Why are not political discussions and debates around the point of the perfection of self as Life and how to create a dignified world for all. I much rather participate with that which is aware of what life is actually and this is why I am one vote for an equal money system. Obviously this will take time to bring forth and in the end each one decide for themselves what discussions and debates they see as valid.

So if you are interested in bringing forth a world that actually consider its fellow man enough to abolish a capitalistic world system based in greed and put into place a system which give to all equally where all within this system are able to live like millionaires and actually be honoured as life then suggest to check out what Desteni is saying and presenting with an Equal Money System.

http://www.equalmoney.org

www.desteni.co.za

http://www.destniiprocess.com

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Self Honesty and Self Awareness in DREAMS

I woke up at 7am…mmm nope it was 8am. I woke up from a dream which kind of ‘startled’ me awake. Quite interesting to consider the point of Self Honesty in dreams and eventually at some point one will have to be Self Honest and Self Aware both awake and asleep. I see this where in one is actually directive if a dream come up and they are able to make Self Honest Decisions within the dream and no more accept and allow a dream to simply be “Happening to them”
This came up in my dream this morning.
There was this being in the dream who started to “lead me on” through moving sexually/sensually at which point “caught my attention” and I had this thought feeling/though inside me that I really should not be doing this, meaning participating with this particular event as I had already determined within myself that this would not support me but rather just further energetic mind addictions.
So when I woke up I started to consider this “other person” in the dream who is someone from my past being in the dream and manipulating me through her actions and movements. And so in the dream I “locked onto” the being and could not “tear myself away” meaning I had actually agreed within myself that I would participate. There was this ‘point’ though in looking at this whole thing that why would I have a dream like this in the first place. And also in the dream there was this thought I had towards the other being like “you shouldn’t be doing this” which is actually fascinating because look – In this moment, within allowing this thought within my dream I am accepting and allowing quite a deceptive point as first of all it is my dream. Secondly all that exist within my dream is essentially me. I mean if I really did not want that person to be doing that I would not have created the situation scenario in the first place. Or even so I would not have willed this point/aspect of my dream into existence. I have had this experience lately of me actually ‘willing movement’ in my dreams. This normally happen in relation to sex when sex present itself in the dream where all of the sudden I actually start to deliberately will and direct the dream and even the participants of my dream to do what I want where in I am actually directing the outcome of the dream within the dream to suit my Desires, which usually would mean me getting sex or something like that. So quite interesting because this actually show that I in fact am able to be directive in the dreams though at the moment, my directive principle of myself within dreams is to simply feed my desires particularly sex as I really do not “take over” dreams to bring about any other outcome other than sex – though it usually has to present itself first within the dream and then a “switch will go on” and I will like “come alive in the dream”
So was cool to see this point today of how I am not actually “subject to peoples actions in dreams” and is a cool point of Self Responsibility to get to a point of Self Honesty where one is Here and Selof Honest in Dreams as well. Though at the moment dreams stil just more or less happen and I am in them experiencing myself as if I have not directive principle but just move at the will of the dream.
So here it is firstly to realize that I was being Self Dishonest in allowing myself to imply that ones actions in ‘my’ dreams are somehow separate from me or independent from me and that I am ‘powerless’ to them, and that it is even a different person standing before me. I mean, I actually wanted to be seduced within myself in fact so that is why the dream occurred, no matter if I say I “this is bad” or “wrong” or whatever, the actual truth of myself, what I actually am existing as and holding onto and living and desiring within me manifest as the dream.

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Putting the LIE in smILE

Ok I just saw the word ‘smile’ and it reminded me of an experience I had today at the grocery store.
I was going through the “automatic checkout” where you they have replaced the tellers with machines so the customer can “check out” their own groceries. So my machine had an error and I had to ask the teller for assistance. Now I have seen this teller many times before as though never actually engaged this person. So She assisted me with the problem and again once more gave assistance before I left. So now the ice was broken. As started to walk out of the store I noticed the teller walking my way from down the isle going back to her station. It was obvious now that this was no “ordinary passing” as she had assisted me with my machine and so I felt like there should be at least eye contact as I walked by her as a form of acknowledgment of the events that took place. I mean I could ignore her as which is normally done in occasions like this – Deliberate ignorance where each being just pretend not to see the other one. So I looked her way as a walked by and she also glanced up at the last second. She did not really have an expression so I ‘Smiled’ and then she gave a smile back, I mean the entire unfolding of events was very ‘unconscious’ so to speak, but brings up an interesting point. How a ‘Smile’ is used within this world. I mean it is used in a way to just keep everything moving. It is like the ‘Oil’ in the engine of the system which keeps things “moving along” “everything fine here” “I accept you” and this kind of thing. I see that I smile allot as part of my presentation. It is a way to manipulate people. Where I manipulate them through smiling so that no points of friction arrive. I mean I probably would have been grinning my way through the holocaust as I have found this to be the best possible way to “go unnoticed” and “be accepted” Its like I am attempting to smile people into submission – lol.

So people smile when they are hiding things, when there is actually stuff within them that they do not want to communicate, so they just smile and everyone smile and remain quiet.

When I look specifically at why I smile so much, it is to avoid friction as I have found it the best possible way to avoid friction. I feel like there is so much friction and that if I were to actually speak my mind for real instead of hide it behind a smile Its like the entire world would just shut-down. Like if there was a magical spell placed on the planet where everyone actually had to speak what was going on within them and were forced to work things out this way. Obviously this is the point with Self Honesty, that we get to a point where when we speak, we simply speak what is here within us. So there is so much unresolved shit right now inside each one of us.

Like when the homeless man smiles at you and asks for change – Oh God, you think that is a real fucking smile. Nooooooooo, the homeless man is manipulating, probably hoping he will either get money for having a Pleasant disposition, or not get punched for having a pleasant disposition.

And so Society just walk around smiling and smirking as this is the best way to glaze over the actual vicious thoughts and judgments we have towards each other. And we all accept “The Smile” as each one know that they do exactly the same thing so as a long as this is an accepted means of hiding then everyone will use it.

So smiling has become absolute deception and manipulation.

Nobody actually really communicates within this world and the interesting thing is we will eventually have to face this shit, and cannot go on smiling for ever. I mean well, we could go on smiling for ever but that really is just saying that we has humanity is going to go one LYING for ever and living a Life into eternity. I for one do not want to do this. I would be more interested in actually speaking to one another and getting to the core of who we are. Though at this stage Society and Mankind just walk around as Smiling Zombies – And the worst part is that they do no even realize it, they do not even realize the absolute deception that is taking place and that there is in fact a “real” being underneath all the deception but likely will never actually Live. The Real being – Who we really are is likely to just hide in Fear and Shame behind a smile until its too late. What a fucked fucked fucked up world we live in.

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Filed under Life Experiences, Re-Creating Self and this World, Self forgiveness - Purification, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing

My apparent problems not actually Real.

So over the last week, I basically stopped applying myself and gave up on myself for a moment allowing myself to go into a form of depression and existing in the mind. Allowing myself to believe that this depression and “way I am feeling” actually has power over me and there was “nothing I could do”. Though I see now that this is not so – In one of the recent desteni videos I watched, the point was mentioned of how people who are homeless don’t have the luxury to have addictions as their world simply does not permit it as they are forced in a way to just focus on survival and do not have time to entertain addictions or such points of self interest. So this is the point that came up today as I was looking at this point. I realized that my application of depression and giving up myself was simply not valid as it really was only considering myself. I had given power to this application of “being depressed” and believed that there was nothing I could do to get out of it. As I simply did not have the will to direct myself within my world to do the necessary actions to support what is best for all. “Well how convenient for me”. Having food, internet connection if I want it, warm bed, movies to watch, house to live in, all of this, and there are millions dying this instant because they have no food to eat or basic support, and here I am not willing to support because I have some “emotional problem” I mean take away my food, my home, my car, my internet, my basic support, then I will have a real problem. As along as I have the basic physical support, food to eat, place to sleep, I have no excuse for why I am not applying myself in every moment. If I am unable to find the will to do it for myself, then I do it for those that are starving to death right now, as this is what I would want if I were in their shoes, for those that are actually capable of applying and directing themselves in this world to do so to support those that at the moment are not able to. So in Self-Honesty if I dare utter the word, it is obvious that I was only living/existing in Self-Interest, and not actually looking at my Actual self-honest experience/situation of me where really there was nothing but my own self created/accepted emotional problems standing in the way of me directing myself to support what is best for all. In other words, there was really nothing standing in my way at all. I guess though I was judging myself quite a bit, and was/am dealing with layers of emotional shit which actually becomes a physical experience of self, but I mean in asking the question of if I am doing all I can do to support and direct myself the answer is no, and that it is clear that despite who I believe myself to be, I am still physically capable of supporting much more effectively than I am at the moment. Ok.

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Filed under Life Experiences, Re-Creating Self and this World, Self forgiveness - Purification, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing

Process Update – Managing My World. (3 Stories)

I am definitely within an application of “avoidance” at the moment, and allowing my mind to direct me. This morning I slept in until 7am when I planned to get up at 6am, though within me last night I can see that I “was not up for it” and believing 6am was to early as I was quite exhausted last night. And so I ‘intended’ to get up but overslept my alarm. I experienced guilt immediately upon waking as I started doing a 21 days 6 hours sleep process.

So when waking I went into a point of guilt and noticed also that I was “less directive” in my day, as I was in a way, allowing me to remain ‘stuck’ in this energy of guilt and slowness. Like a point of “I have failed”
When if I practically look at the situation, I mean it was 7am instead of 6am, practically speaking that will have not “great affect” on my day, and it is more practical to let go of the point and start directing myself in that which I require to do today.

I saw that I allowed the point of guilt in a way as an accepted experience of self when I “fail at something” or “fall on a point” – Though the energetic experience I was allowing was not related practically to my reality but more on past experiences of guilt as what I noticed is that my day is Still Here in front of me, and so pointless to allow me to exist in this point of guilt, like making a big point of nothing really.

Its interesting I see that I within this point have allowed this very initial starting point of the waking up in the morning determine the rest of my day, instead of me being the starting point of me in every moment here, where in any given moment, I can correct self, instead of locking myself into a cycle where I have to wait for the next opportunity.

I remember on the farm I was faced a few times with the point of experiencing a point of depression, and that I could allow myself to exist within this point of depression, and regret, or I could Stop, and get up off my ass and apply myself within my world.

This is the point that I saw this morning, where I realized that I do not have to exist within this point of guilt or depression which was “triggered by sleeping in” Fuck that, I can Stop, and correct myself and start applying myself in my day.

Last night I met with an x-girlfriend of mine who I had been in a relationship with for 8 years and who I broke up with around the time I started with desteni.

So was interesting to sit and chat last night as I had not spoken with her for couple years now.

I noticed that I within the discussion I experience quite a bit of paint in my upper shoulders, back and neck as we communicated, so see a point of straining myself and clenching myself within during our communication last night where I was accessing points of mind within our interaction and within communicating. So interesting to see this tension and pain come up immediately within starting to communicate with this being.

Its like a point of “really wanting to get a message though” within which I tense up my entire back and shoulders. And even a point of not trusting my expression, communication, words to communicate effectively.

Like wanting her to agree with me and see and understand my words and affirm what it is I am speaking about.

Though overall the conversation/discussion was quite cool.

Another point that occurred yesterday was that the point of doing “furniture assembly and delivery” for the furniture shop I am currently working with opened up.

This is quite a cool point and can see there is some excitement within me towards this though , I am also experiencing a “straining” within this excitement I experience, like “what if things don’t work out” so it is like two adverse points manifesting a strain within me.

So basically yesterday within discussion of possibly expanding my duties at the furniture shop, I inquired if “they have a delivery service” because I had noticed that there are usually a few items in the back waiting to be picked up by customers and most often these items are smallish – and so wondered if “there was a market for this” in where why not I “Offer the service of doing the delivery” as I at the moment have a van and so can fit in some smaller items for delivery.

So I discussed the point some with the owner and she said she would pass along my number to clients, and also recommend me to clients who require small furniture delivery.

So this is quite exciting because I see here another opportunity of taking this point on as a business, of which I can do furniture delivery and assembly. So I have done some research today on the point and this seems very realistic so am going to take this point on, as I also see that this will not simply “end after winter” like the “Snow Removal Service” but can actually walk this point and develop this point for a longer period of time.

So now I am at the stage where, I see this point and am exceeded, yet must breathe as reality only move so fast and thus must take this point on “practically” and “common sensically” and like the “Snow Removal Business” There are points of uncertainty with regards to money, and how/if I will manage the point of getting this going.

I also got a call yesterday which I have not yet returned about, would ya know it, doing “furniture assembly” lol – I actually had found a job application online doing this and inquired about the point which funny enough, opened up inside of me the point of inquiring with my current company about offering my services through them. Lol,

So this is quite funny as this is similar to what happened with the snow removal service where I initially “began the point” by browsing through jobs, and going for a job interview, and then within looking at the whole point deciding to simply “do the point for myself” instead of “working for others” doing something I can actually do on my own.

So I am sure I will update later to indicate/show, what’s working, and what not, and the type of specificity and application required to ensuring that these “businesses or service offers” are practically functional. Though for now will keep it simply and keep it physical.

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