Tag Archives: programming

2012: Convincing Myself That I Have Changed.

I started to notice/become aware of this point about a year ago, where it was something that would come up more frequently where I started to see this point within myself where I would build up or create an idea of myself/ of who I am, only to realize that this idea was not at all who I really was and thus, was just in fact an idea created and constructed within my own mind.

This point has “matured” during the past year where I began to see more and more how I would constantly exist within only an idea of myself (energy)and also particularly an idea of myself as someone who is walking process and in the process of change.

When in fact there was very little change actually taking place.

From a certain perspective I see this point as being the current predicament we as humanity find ourselves in. We have superimposed an “idea” of who we are and what this world is onto the actual truth of ourselves and this world, which we are not actually able to see, due to us only seeing our projected idea of ourselves and this reality.

So for me it has been a process to begin to differentiate between this Mind Projected Self and The Actual Self and to thus stop participating with the Mind Projected Self so that I actually start living Here and working with that which is actually real.

This is how I understand it. And obviously all the context put forward by Desteni has assisted and supported me in this process to begin to establish for myself what is actually going on in this reality and how I can approach investigating and working with myself so that it has some actual value. So that it (my life/time) is not just wasted and end up being pointless.

So over the last 4 years I have made many many many many changes – But have come to realize and see that mostly all of these “changes” took place only within my own mind. I had believed and perceived myself to be in a process of change but I was really in a process of just first seeing the difference between what actual change is vs perceptual pie in the sky change.

Or coming to see what it means to “not change”

I simply did not know any better – I had really spent so much time existing as my mind that the mind was the only reference I had in terms of how I had come to assess and make sense of myself and my reality – Thus the mind was where I initially looked to see/assess my process of change.

One way to describe it is as the following;

“One ‘actual’ change, no matter how small, is worth more than a million perceptual changes no matter how big.”

So it took some time for me to actually start to see the actual me. To see that I was not changing for real, but only getting trapped in the mind, within the illusion that I was on the right track

Though I guess form a certain perspective I did actually see this “actual me” but I could not put my finger on it. I just felt uncomfortable about the process I was busy with. Because I could see that I was not actually changing, but it was like I was denying that I could actually see the real me and so just attempted to convince myself otherwise, convince myself that I was changing – when in fact there was very little actual SELF Movement and Lots of Mind Movement, Mind Movement having no actual bearing on the truth of myself, on the real self.

You can change in the mind a million times and nothing will happen – ‘YOU’ are actually not changing. It is the mind that is busy at work constructing these ideas of Self in this process of change But Self as the physical is Actual Substantial Matter and Form, and to actually transform and work with actual substantial matter is different than simply changing within your mind, or creating / reconstructing the Idea you have of yourself.

So this is basically where I am at the moment – Starting to see the actual me down there beneath the layers and layers and layers of perception about who I am that I require to first get through to start to see and work with the actual self.

So in a way I have up to this point just been busy getting through these layers and learning how not to get caught up, trapped, seduced, side tracked by these imaginary perceptions of self so that I can more effectively work with “the real stuff” so to speak.

So this has actually been quite a cool point to have start coming through because I realize that it does not matter how much I change myself within my mind, or convince myself that I am changing, it is irrelevant. What I must look at or pay attention to is Me as the actual real physical substantial self. And to work with myself at that level, and in a way I have really just begun this or am still even in the process of beginning this. I say this because I still daily suddenly realize – “Fuck I have been in my mind that entire time”

I realize that I am a work in progress, that I likely will be working with this “difference” between the Real Self vs the Imaginary Self for some time to come.

So I just wanted to mention this point because I have noticed that lately this point has emerged as something that is more tangible and that I am able to “explain” and place into words.

Lol – Though I do see how one of the primary ways I have/had ended up trapping myself in the imaginary self is through/within my writing! Where I will go and write something, to discover how I ended up making the writing more about forming an idea or perception in the mind instead of actually assisting and supporting and getting down to and sticking with that actual real substantial Me Here in the Moment within my expression. So also here I am working with this dimension of writing. To  develop more stability in this application so as not to get side tracked by the energy / perceptions of the mind so that when I write I am not just busy constructing some idea about something but that I am really Here with me and actually working with the actual real substantial self /  the physical. And in this supporting myself to become real.

I also find one is able to trap oneself in an imaginary idea of self when one is speaking as well as when one is thinking or participating in the mind – Meaning this can happen in writing, speaking or silently – So which is another reason why I wanted to mention this point today because of how “easy” it is…or at least how easy I have found it to get lost within myself in some perception of myself that I constructed either in writing or in the words I spoke or just within thinking/participating “silently” within my mind or any combination of these.

So I will continue supporting me within breathing, writing and self forgiveness to make sure I am walking with me during my days and not floating around somewhere in the mind.

For Further Expansion on the Point of the “Idea Self VS The Real Self” Please See Video Interview– http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B531BWrLN4Y&feature=player_embedded

http://www.desteni.org.

http://www.eqafe.com

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Filed under AndrewGableArtist, Artist, Realizations, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing

Being a Fully Functional Member of the System (Standing Equal to the System)

Being a Fully Functional Member of the System (Standing Equal to the System)

This was a point that I took on doing when I entered back into the system around a year and half ago now. This point was not always totally clear in terms of what or how I would be doing this, but has clarified over the last year as a Directive Point that I have taken on. To Stand Equal to the system where I work and function as a member of the system, playing by the system rules, and using the tools of the system to become effective and successful in the system. So I required to do a few things as I had previously in my life wanted to do anything but stand equal to the system. I never did my taxes or cared about credit, or cared to get a job, or become an upstanding citizen so to speak. I see that I must do this, that I must “become” the system so to speak by standing equal to and as it, and becoming effective within it.

This is something that actually goes against my initial pre-programming seeing as how I was raised in a  more “creative” family system that did not use money as motivation or a marker for success per-se but more focused on creativity / art as that which was given allot of attention. In this money or system savvy was simply not a part of our family really. Though some of my uncles and were business men so I observed this point in the peripheral of my family structure but was never a point that penetrated to much into/through the walls of our primary family unit…

One of the main aspects of my life/approach/starting point which I required to adjust for myself to become more aligned with how the system actually function is what I placed as my “priorities” Because for a long time I placed Art and Creativity and Personal Enjoyment very high on that list, and making money and working in the system as secondary. I have though re-established my starting point to where “making money” and working in the system where in I ensure always that I have a basic income stream always coming in, is now my priority. This is much more “Practical” in terms of actually supporting me in the context of this world and what I am here doing.

My previous approach was simply not practical at all, and because of this I always struggled to meet my basic survival needs and was always living on the fringe of society. In essence that is what Art Schools do. They prepare the individuals who are going to live on the fringe of the system. What a fuck up.

So that was quite a Key Adjustment I required to make and I must say it makes everything much simpler. Art in my life is now a secondary point as something to explore expand only after I have established in my world my foundational income stream as support to live and function within the system.

I am getting there but still I have work to do in terms of actually getting caught up on my loans and start building up my credit so I can actually get a credit card! – lol.

I am kind of just “going over” a few points here as basic background to how I have been living and assisting and supporting myself to get this point sorted out for myself so that I am not “stepping on my own feet” in my process to assist and support the bringing forth of an Equal Money System.

This is in essence my Top Priority. This is my total dedication of myself because there is no point to support such a system as the one we are currently living in due to its cruel and abusive nature and what kind of world our current system is sustaining/creating. Thus the only reason I am directing myself to become equal to the system, to become a fully functioning member of the system is so that I can be stable and in a position to actually assist and support the bringing forth of an Equal Money System. A New System that actually support life.  Thus this requires food to eat, internet connection, place to live etc, so I can do the basic responsibilities which are required to bring forth an Equal Money System.

So Yes, Art simply is “not important” to me at the moment in terms of how I used to give it such importance. Of course I still enjoy exploring this point but It no longer has control over me the way it used to. Though this definitely took some years of (4) of walking out of this possession I created of “wanting to be an artist”

So I rather look at things more practically. Art may be able to generate an income, but it is not as practical as sticking to something initially that is more consistent and aligned with how the system function. Thus I have directed myself to do more practical labour jobs, as this is a point that I have had some training in. Actually I remember the words of Bernard mentioning to me before I left the farm that I can “always fall back on my hands” (or something like that) meaning to utilize “my two hands” and do practical labour as something I can use to support me if other things do not work out. So in a way I actually went straight to this point. Looking at what practical services I can do, and how I can use “my two hands” to effectively support myself in this world. I enjoy working with my Hands, like doing practical things. And many people try and get away from doing this, so it opens up space for people who are willing to do this to generate money for themselves.

So I focused on this aspect when looking at what kind of work I could do in the system to start supporting myself effectively.

One other little point that supported me in my process of standing on my own 2 feet and working with my own 2 hands – lol was : Don’t do what you want to do, Do what must be done. This point has assisted me in expanding myself in terms of what I am willing to do to support myself. Even 5 years ago I would have refused and resisted to do almost anything that was not related to art and my own personal desires.  I had really really limited myself in this but I did not know any better. I did not see nor understand the “greater context” of this world so to speak.

So obviously my understanding/perspective has change allot over the past 4 years participating with Desteni. And thus so much of who I was and what I was willing to was simply based in Ego which a point I am assisting and supporting myself to stop within myself.

What Kind of Human Being am I, that would look at / see this world and all that is happening and simply ignore it and refuse to assist in sorting it out. Its like standing face to face with a starving child and saying “sorry, Id rather paint a picture, and satisfy my own aspirations and desires that make sure you at least have an equal amount of food and support as I do” This obviously being Ego, and ignorance particularly in relation to the fact that I was simply born into my life of having food and money. I could have easily been the one born into poverty – Anyways “my priorities” where quite delusional and fucked up to say the least.

So I have now just worked the Last 6 months at a full time job doing Landscaping. This job is now winding down as winter is just around the corner and you cannot do landscaping in the winter. So I am preparing now to move into doing Snow Removal for the winter season which is a point I did last year as well.

A point that I would have not considered doing if I had continued to just allow myself to “Do what I want to do” instead of “doing what must be done”

I started doing snow removal last year which was quite a cool experience. I did not have a job and in a way this was a situation where I was “falling back on my own two hands” so to speak, because I was willing to work, and thus saw an opportunity to apply myself doing snow removal and generate some money for myself through the winter months. I had allot of fears about doing it, and that it wouldn’t work and I would fail and all that stuff. But I did it anyways, and realized in the end that these fears were not real, even though they seemed very real. I ended up doing it for the entire winter season and managing to get myself through the winter.

This year I am little more prepared so will be interesting to see how it goes. I see I have these same fears as last year coming up inside me, though my experience with walking through these fears last year is supporting me this time around to just breathe and continue to direct and apply myself within the point.

My expenses has gone up also so my goal this year is to double the amount of money I made last year doing this. I have just got my business cards and advertisements from the printers a couple days ago, and will head out (I think next week) to focus on some neighbourhoods around where I live to see if I can get my clients more in one area this year.

I am much more stable this year at this stage than I was last year. I see that that is because I actually did apply myself and find work, so that I have something to build off of, and already established to support me so to speak. This process has not been a breeze or magic or happening really fast either. It has taken time. My approach has been more basic and fundamental in terms of supporting me to establish a stable base income for myself. But I am grateful that I have placed attention on doing this and not leaving this as a secondary point. It has assisted me in stabilizing myself much more in my world.

www.equalmoneysystem.org

www.desteni.co.za

www.desteniiprocess.com

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Filed under destonian, Equal Life Living, equal money system, Life Experiences, Re-Creating Self and this World, Work and Business

Re-Designing My Life

So I was busy sending out resumes today. I will be focusing primarily on this point until I get myself a stable job. This is Step One. A step which “went out the window” not to long after I arrived back in Canada, and by “went out the window” I mean became lost within the constant and continuous swarm of thoughts, feelings and emotions of the mind, to the point where this simplistic common sensical first step was not effectively walked or established. Humbling to say the least that it has taken me a year to get to back to step one and realize that I had not effectively placed this step.
I see that this will require diligence to effectively establish. From my perspective I should walk this basic simple step of working a consistent job for a year.
I see that I must practically design my life based on principles. And then within sticking to and walking these principles that I am actually able to change myself. I see that I had not actually effectively “placed a design” so to speak, which to ‘follow’ and because of this, I fell back into following my pre-programmed life.
Interesting. The whole point of Desteni, and Process is for one to Step Out of their pre-programmed life. This means that for every program that one is living as their pre-program, one must effectively place an “alternative” so to speak, where one essentially lay out for oneself, how they are going to walk, how they are going to communicate, how they are going to move, to sleep, to speak to shit, to breathe. How one is going to interact with others, where one is going to get money, how they will go about getting money. Everything must be considered.
One then is literally re-designing their world.
Ok so for this first “Step A” design point, I require to stabilize myself within the system by getting a regular job. This must be a full-time job working a normal 40 hour work week. A part time job will not do. That is it. It is a simple point. Yet because of my programming, if I do not deliberately place this as “what I am going to do” as a course of action, then I will then just continue to follow my programming.
Ok cool.
In terms of Content of this job. This is not priority, from the perspective that Money is the Key aspect of this element. A paycheque that comes in monthly. Content should support what is best for all within the consideration of where and how I can be most effective within process given my current placement.

At the moment I am seeing myself in Canada, where eventually I will have a House and Land. In terms of Education, I am not clear on this yet.
Points I am looking at

Education
Psychology
Politics

not necessarily in that order.

Another aspect of this re-design, is that it will be based on principle. There will be no “feeling attached” to the words as the design as the steps that I will take. It is simply using mathematics to equate what point will accumulate to the next in the equality equation and amount to what is best for all.

Anything to do with “feeling” is the mind, is my programmed life, and thus I must place the points in practical common sense, and stick to them within and as principled living.

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Fear to Move Out Of Sub-Par Existence – October 29th/2010

A point that I have observed in myself which has come up in relation to my job, is the point of accepting my own limitation by not pushing myself while I am around others, because I don’t want to trigger the point of jealousy in the other, and so instead I dum myself down, and essentially limit myself, and actually  simply allow those around me to dictate how I live my life.

 

I noticed this come up at work with regards to points around workplace that I see can be “fixed-up” and organized but have noticed I hold myself back from pointing these things, out or really taking these points on because I get the sense that it is “out of” the accepted way of doing things, and I realized that I actually compromised myself and am compromising myself  through not actually realizing that it is OK to to actually push myself and push others to become more specific and more directive in their worlds, and actually push myself here also to become more specific and directive in my world.

 

Its like in this one particular moment, I held back in directing myself to immediately take on a point that I saw because I didn’t want to be seen as doing something out of the accepted way of doing things. Specifically I did not want to “diminish” the other being in my presence. Its the point of jealousy, I noticed in a few instances, I held back actually fucking directing myself and directing a point because I do not want to trigger that point of jealousy reaction in other, where in they go into a form of reaction out of jealousy with regards to how I direct or apply myself.

 

Fuck, what I realized in this moment was that I am actually accepting and allowing myself to limit myself. And realized that this is/was actually how we ended up in this mess. Because we did not want to cause any friction. We did not want to stand up and act in a way that actually pushed people a little bit.

 

Its like I did not want them to say “don’t do that” and then come up with some excuse or reason why I “should not do that” or how “thats not the way things are done here” .

 

And what I see is that if I accept and allow this, I am actually accepting and allowing “this current system, and this current world” to dominate me. In other words, I am tacitly stating that I am actually in support of this current system, because I simply just allow it to have precedent over that which I have developed within myself as for example self will, and self determination.

 

I seen within this how so many squander within this world. Because Sub-Par is the accepted way things are. Everybody fights for Sub-Par. Even those that are effective fight for Sub-Par because this way they seem superior and dominant.  And I realized how in that moment, the “sub-par” remain the standard in this world. Because so many, as I did in that moment, accepted the “sub-par” as the dominating factor, and was unwilling stand in that moment, and actually stand-up and push and challenge myself, and within this actually push and challenge others as well.

 

In a way its easier to live in an unnoticed way

Its easier to never push to hard, as to not make people feel like there not doing enough.

Its like the point of supporting laziness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing myself as this might cause others to resist me and have friction towards me, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to let my fear of other people influence me to not stand up and do anything about this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within that which I have developed within myself as my application and discipline within walking, living, and applying myself in this world because I don’t want to make people feel bad, and react towards me for feeling bad.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people being jealous of me, because within this they may not enjoy me being around, because I push and move them out of there comfort bubble.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an observer in this world, never actually pushing myself to stand up within this world because in doing this it would cause to much friction in other peoples worlds, and there-in, I simply accept the sub-par as how things are, and be sure to remain under or on this line of “sub – par” as to not cause any reaction in another where they might observe within themselves something that requires a correction, and in this may become fearful or not wanting to give up who they are, and thus , lash out on me.

 

I forgive myself for not allowing myself  to push myself in the work place to be absolutely effective within my direction and actually look at the point from the perspective of a permanent solution.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply just do the bare minimum, instead of pushing and willing myself here to become effective within my application, in particular my practical application.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back within expressing myself within absolute clarity in communication as to not upset someone, and within this not fully honouring myself within creating my world the way I want, where I push myself and my world to the utmost specificity, because I see that this is a point I would like for myself, and thus allow me to give to myself as I see the ‘benefit’ this have on a being

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Doing Things Instead of Expressing Self – October 26th

Well, I made some vlogs today speaking about my experience about work and stuff, but the sound was messed up on some of them and then the other ones I was not satisfied. So now this is a point here which has become a suppression point. This doing vlogs. I have over the last week or so, done probably around 8 vlogs or so, and I have not posted a single one. I often am simply not satisfied with the clarity and precision of myself within speaking.

So I am here looking at this point now of why I have created about 8 vlogs and not posted any of them, but erase them, or just leave them sitting there because I am simply not satisfied with them.

Sometimes I believe that the vlogs and the information I am speaking is not specific enough or is just mind stuff. Other times its like I mess up on a point, or get lost in what I am saying for a moment or two, or in some I notice I go into knowledge and information that I have not actually lived, and so just have found I am not satisfied with any of the vlogs I have been making.

I have also been preparing for an art fair that is going to be here on the weekend. This process I have experienced as quite obligatory for the most part, rehearsed, uninspired, and like, dead!

Probably because most of the drawings I am working with are like Old, Old, Old, and there are only a few new ones, so its like all this old dead shit, instead of new alive shit that is now an expression of myself as who I am currently living and walking. Its like I have changed since starting this process with desteni, but have not brought this through into the art work yet. In a way there is an excitement there also, kind of like “saving the best for last” where I hold off and hold off knowing all the while that when I actually do start with making some art, that Im sure I will enjoy the expression that comes through.

This has also been a question of mine also – When am I going to start making art? I spend almost not time doing this at all, at the moment relating this point to first getting myself into a position that is more stable in terms of me actually having an income coming in before I start spending time doing this.

Though I am curious as to when the fuck I am going to start with making some art.

Its like, what is going on with me?

In a way my application has become boring from a certain perspective. Like I’m not engaged with what I am doing, and with my life, but I will use this word again which I just used – Obligatory. I mean there are moments of enjoyment, but I really do not experience myself as actually really living and expressing me, where mostly things are routine, and plain, and I really don’t do much, in terms of actually expressing myself in that which I do, its like mostly things are just blaaaand. Even in my writing, its like I kind of just do it and have to push myself to do it, but haven’t really found myself expressing me much, but more just doing things.

I have enjoyed making vlogs, even though I did not place them, I did enjoy speaking about certain points on camera. I like speaking and communicating even though I am not always satisfied with that, I cannot deny that vlogs are quite cool to do.

 

I have decided to take on the job at the farm, even though I do experience fears about this which come up in terms of fearing my self expression. Actually this is quite interesting this fear. I fear that I will not be able to express myself, and I mean to express oneself is fun. I fear that the structure that exist there, will suppress me, and that I will not be able to express myself there fully. That is one of the more prominent fears, that I will be suppressed into a kind of silence and limitation and I will not enjoy that at all, and that I will only be able to really express me with myself alone.

Its like people develop these structures as rules and ways of being and interacting that they place within their worlds and then exist within, and that I just find that I have not always been that great at being able to exist within these structures of conduct and parameters and really be able to express myself.

Though I have never really been one to be a “people person” but I would like to change this. I found that I actually started to “get to know people more” when I was on the desteni farm, and now simply see the ‘value’ if you want to call it that of actually interacting and exploring, sharing and expressing, and really getting to know others within a self intimacy.

Even though I see this, I still tend shy away from it as I always found it so much easier to express with myself alone in my room. And honestly I have lived this kind of alone application enough, where I see, obviously that I must now actually push the point of interaction with other beings, and get over my resistances to doing this, so I can actually be comfortable with others, instead of being uncomfortable.

I really don’t like when people get mad or angry or irritated. Its like I tend to try and avoid this at all cost. Especially when they take it out on others, or in particular, me!

That is one reason why I do not like being around others, because I really do not enjoy the experience of another being reacting to a point when I am in their presence. Or yes, even more reacting towards me.

Fuck I still have to sort that point out. Like taking shit personally. And suppressing anger that comes up. Its like Why? Why would you say or do that towards me.

Most of the time I really just want to fucking stand up in that moment and tell the being immediately to simply Stop the bull-shit. Like blatantly point out what the fuck they just did and actually turn the point right back on them so that they see exactly what they did.

But normally I just stand there in bewilderment like, what the fuck, this being is blaming me right now or taking shit out on me, or not taking responsibility for themselves, and normally I just stand quietly in anger an “take-it” So when I am alone in my room I do not have to deal with this. Deal with beings reacting in Frustration and Anger.

I mostly encountered this point with my father growing up, so if I had to pinpoint where I actually created this point of staying in my room away from people, I would say I created and refined this point in relation to my father. Where I remember experiencing this point of “avoiding” him allot during my life, and just “getting the fuck outta there” mostly I could go to my room and hide, because it was like he was allot of the time irritated and angry and frustrated and would react all the time towards others and it would really just be a shit experience, so I preferred to just stay in my room, like, out of the way of this projection bullshit.

From a certain perspective though I did not really understand why he was so frustrated and angry and irritated, so there is point to consider and forgive and stop any points of blame or anger I have towards him.

Even around him now I notice in every moment (quite fascinating really) there is this resonant point, like a waiting, an expectation of the eventual point where his anger, frustration, irritation will come out and be directed at someone around him. Fuck, when most recently I was around him, I noticed that each time he would enter the room or come home or something like that, I would like, “take a step back” like a waiting…waiting to see…almost like an expectation of him being angry and argumentative. And this point simply exist inside of me always and constantly. And then there was like a small moment or experience of relief when he would open his mouth and speak, and his words were actually pleasant or simply not angry…then its like..oh, ok its cool to express me here, he is not angry, so its ok if I speak my mind, or can really just let go in a way, and relax, so I see I have developed this resonant point of holding my breath within and expectation of anger in relation to my father, which I simply see as a resonant point which I developed over time with regards to my general experience around him as I cannot at this moment pinpoint a specific event which occurred where this point really “sunk in”

So in a way me staying in my room now and wanting to avoid people and their reactions is actually me simply staying in my room and hiding away from my father.

So a point here to explore and forgive.

And actually stand up and face this anger with people. And face the fear I have inside me of facing this anger and reactions  and what could possible happen. Like being overpowered and diminished.

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Filed under AndrewGableArtist, Artist, equal money system, Life Experiences, Re-Creating Self and this World, Uncategorized, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing

Facing My Programming – Wanting to Run – Seeing I Can’t – Oct 25th 2010

Facing My Programming – Wanting to Run – Seeing I Can’t

So a pretty cool point here has opened up over the last three blog posts about my experience with my new job on a Horse Ranch. I wrote about some of the experiences and resistances that have been coming up and got some pretty cool feedback which basically assisted me to see that I was actually justifying the whole point of actually attempting to hide from these resistances, as if I could actually hide from them. As if these resistances are “out there” that if I were to go somewhere else that these resistances would go away, and that the very fact that I was experiencing these resistances meant that I was in the wrong place, which is actually as I now see it, A “neat and tidy” excuse to simply attempt to run. So the point I see here is that there is no running, that I cannot actually run from this point, even if I tried, I would be back at this point again, and simply would have to face it. I see this from the perspective of the point actually existing inside me as me. And thus, within standing up for and as equality and what is best for all, I will actually face these resistance points, which I see as the design of myself, as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and create myself as and who I am as myself as the programming I have given myself throughout my life through that which I have participated in and agreed upon either tacitly, implied or directly.

What is fascinating about his point is how superbly the mind create a perfect picture, and reasoning as excuse which lay down the perfect road for one to take to escape the situation. It just “seems to make sense” It just seemed to make sense that I was in the wrong place. That really there was nothing I could do about the situation I was facing, about the resistance I was facing, and that oh yes, it is the right decision to “let the point go” I mean the wording of the excuse is exquisite, deceptive. It just seems like “the truth” I have found this to be a pretty cool example and point for me to see how the mind work.

I faced this same point on the farm, and I walked away from a certain perspective. Now what is fascinating here is that I am facing this same point again, and in a way the experience of myself is much the same, yet the context is different, so how could it be that my experience is exactly the same…this indicate that the point I am facing, is actually a point within me. It is not dependant on the environment so to speak. The point actually exist inside me as my own creation of myself as how I have programmed myself.

So I am going to get into some of the specifics here a bit. The two points that are coming up here is family, and commitment. Where in one of the points I noticed I reacted to in being on this farm is the point of family, from the perspective of “having an idea of how this would be” and also I see that in fact, I had really just projected these “family points” and my ideas around onto the situation and was not actually based in real walking assessment of the situation. Though Either way, it is irrelevant from the perspective of me making a decision to walk the point, where in if they turn out to be what I perceived and projected them to be does not make it in any way valid in that it still is simply an idea, a construct, and the point I see is about “how I react” to the situation, where there can be no reaction what so ever. And that as long as there is a reaction, I here am required to correct the point within me, until I can stand in front of any being, and mother, father, brother, sister, grandma, any point within the construct of family, and not longer react, but stand in silence.

I see that I did/do not trust myself yet in actually being able to effectively assist and support myself within this walking of this point. I feared the point, and saw myself as bending and breaking under the pressure, instead of actually relieving the pressure within applying the tools that desteni has provided for this process, in self writing, self forgiveness, and corrective application, and utilizing the techniques provided in SRA, as well to actually take on my programming, and no longer accept and allow “pressure” meaning, any kind of pressure I experience is pressure I place on me, and that it never come from “out there” somewhere, and that I will have to be able to walk into the storm so to speak, and assist and support myself in walking through the points within disarming them from the perspective of seeing how and where I am still in reaction. And that I am responsible for every iota of reaction I experience inside me.

So the point here is to actually trust myself within walking this point. So step one is to trust self within standing up. And now here is step two, which is self trust within walking, moving and directing myself. Where in a way, walk alone, and that one must realize that one is alone in it all. And establish trust and self at this level, where one walk alone, and one is Ok to walk alone, into any point, and not require something or someone else to depend on, to hold onto, one must simply let go of all dependency, all want, to have someone or something there with, and to establish trust for oneself in walking as self alone into eternity. I am beginning to see that everything that self holds onto will be taken away, because self must learn to trust and walk as self alone. Until there is stability, silence, acceptance and the realization that self do not need or require anything actually. So from this perspective this point that I am facing is a “long one” it was like a “long road” and I did not establish myself as actually being able to walk this “long road” alone. I mean, eternity is a long time, but I will start with just taking one step, then two, then walk a point as myself alone, and now here, in looking at this long road, realizing that I am actually capable of walking this within self trust, I simply had not yet considered doing this. So that’s pretty cool point, and in a way can ‘prepare’ for this, where I can assist and support me to establish myself within this point and realize also that the process must be walked alone. And here is simply a real physical timeline to support me to establish myself within walking alone. And now its time to trust me as the starting point of self trust within walking. Obviously there are beings on the forums and so forth to assist and support within sharing themselves within their walking, so in this way we all walk together. Though I see here the point of one establishing themselves as self reliant within being able to depend and rely on self alone, and not actually requiring anything else than that. So cool point of self trust and self walking here.

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How to Actually Change – PARTICIPATE – in What is Best For ALL

Participation.
Participation is not energy, meaning, it does not require energy to participate. Participation is an ACT. An Act that supports all life equally. AN act that takes all life into consideration where when one act, One do so in support of All life.

Participation is measureable in the physical. And ones participation within oneness and equality is measureable in that the physical manifested measureable result of ones participation is so, that it, in fact supports All life equally. There is no denying or disputing it. It is Here as the physical.

Thus Participation cannot be disputed, as it is an actual measureable act in the physical that supports all life and supports the transformation of our physical world. Our physical world that currently exist as structures and cities and systems that do not support ALL life equally. Thus our participation will support and bring forth the transformation of this current world into a world that support ALL life equally. Within this the systems of this world that do not support all life equally must go, must no more exist, and this actually has to be done in our participation in fact. Our Money system does not support all equally, our education system does not support all equally, our government system does not support all equally, to name a few. And so these systems must go. And be replaced by new systems brought forth from those participants walking and standing as what is best for ALL.

In order for systems to be placed that support all life equally, One who decides to walk this path must actually understand what it means, to support all life equally.

The point I see within this is that if I accept limitation within myself, meaning there is point within self that I do not understand or am not aware of, than in fact I am not in awareness of ALL life as I am not even aware of all parts of my immediate self. If this is so than I am not able actually to set up a system that supports ALL life, as I am not yet aware of all life. Thus I can only extend as far as my own awareness. I can only create that which I am as my awareness. I create that which I am. Than the question is, who am I really?

What is important to me in my life?
What am I giving attention to?
What am I wanting, what am I desiring.
Where is my attention.

And within these points – what am I actually implying about “who I am” and what I stand for in this reality. Am I in fact standing for what is best for all, if my attention is given to desires of self interest and personal comforts.

Although within this I see the common sense necessity to “focus on myself” Not from the perspective of “self interest” but rather from the perspective of actually becoming effective within this world, in so that I am able to actually assist and support actual change in bringing forth a one and equal system that is best for all. This means to participate within my world in such a way that I develop the necessary skills that I will require to become highly functioning, within this current world and current system. Within this I am able to place myself in a position of support in bringing forth new systems within this world that support all life equally, and that this support and “bringing forth” is measurable, and becomes visible within this world. Because at the end of the day. In order to change something, it has to actually change in fact. There is no middle ground, or opinion, or question – it either changes or does not. The Participant exists according to actual measurable change.

The only point that is valid is participation, because the points that are valid in this world are those points that are REAL. That actually exist, and actually impact and influence everyone’s life.

There is no middle ground with the participant – If there is no change occurring, than there is no participant. The Participant is equivalent to the actual physical measureable change.

Ultimately An actual physical measurable change within the systems of this world must actually exist in FACT. And to change the currently existing systems practically, that have been built over thousands and thousands of years, brick by brick, step by step, breath by breath, will not simply just happen without some effort, some application, some participation. It must physically, practically, Actually be done. And that will take some time, especially if no one actually see that that is what must be done in this world. And furthermore actually start to participate in the change once they do see that things must change, and stop waiting for someone else to “gather the troops” to take on the roles that are necessary to actually begin making a measureable impact in this world. Only now this measurable impact is being done so from a different perspective. The perspective of what is best for all.

No one is exempt from how the system operate and function. So those that are acting and participating in the best interest of all, must walk the same path so to speak that those who are currently in power and running this planet, have walked. Practically speaking.

One must participate within the system as how it currently exist until the system is changed.

So to walk as Participant Bringing forth actual physical measureable change to this world and the world systems to Support All Life Equally. Will take some diligence.

Essentially the same process that took place to create this world as how it currently exist, must take place again.

Our current world was created within the starting point of self interest. Walked, and lived, step by step, brick, by brick, in self interest.

What we must do now is walk the path again, step by step, brick by brick, but this time from a different starting point. The starting point of What is Best For A

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