Facing My Programming – Wanting to Run – Seeing I Can’t
So a pretty cool point here has opened up over the last three blog posts about my experience with my new job on a Horse Ranch. I wrote about some of the experiences and resistances that have been coming up and got some pretty cool feedback which basically assisted me to see that I was actually justifying the whole point of actually attempting to hide from these resistances, as if I could actually hide from them. As if these resistances are “out there” that if I were to go somewhere else that these resistances would go away, and that the very fact that I was experiencing these resistances meant that I was in the wrong place, which is actually as I now see it, A “neat and tidy” excuse to simply attempt to run. So the point I see here is that there is no running, that I cannot actually run from this point, even if I tried, I would be back at this point again, and simply would have to face it. I see this from the perspective of the point actually existing inside me as me. And thus, within standing up for and as equality and what is best for all, I will actually face these resistance points, which I see as the design of myself, as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and create myself as and who I am as myself as the programming I have given myself throughout my life through that which I have participated in and agreed upon either tacitly, implied or directly.
What is fascinating about his point is how superbly the mind create a perfect picture, and reasoning as excuse which lay down the perfect road for one to take to escape the situation. It just “seems to make sense” It just seemed to make sense that I was in the wrong place. That really there was nothing I could do about the situation I was facing, about the resistance I was facing, and that oh yes, it is the right decision to “let the point go” I mean the wording of the excuse is exquisite, deceptive. It just seems like “the truth” I have found this to be a pretty cool example and point for me to see how the mind work.
I faced this same point on the farm, and I walked away from a certain perspective. Now what is fascinating here is that I am facing this same point again, and in a way the experience of myself is much the same, yet the context is different, so how could it be that my experience is exactly the same…this indicate that the point I am facing, is actually a point within me. It is not dependant on the environment so to speak. The point actually exist inside me as my own creation of myself as how I have programmed myself.
So I am going to get into some of the specifics here a bit. The two points that are coming up here is family, and commitment. Where in one of the points I noticed I reacted to in being on this farm is the point of family, from the perspective of “having an idea of how this would be” and also I see that in fact, I had really just projected these “family points” and my ideas around onto the situation and was not actually based in real walking assessment of the situation. Though Either way, it is irrelevant from the perspective of me making a decision to walk the point, where in if they turn out to be what I perceived and projected them to be does not make it in any way valid in that it still is simply an idea, a construct, and the point I see is about “how I react” to the situation, where there can be no reaction what so ever. And that as long as there is a reaction, I here am required to correct the point within me, until I can stand in front of any being, and mother, father, brother, sister, grandma, any point within the construct of family, and not longer react, but stand in silence.
I see that I did/do not trust myself yet in actually being able to effectively assist and support myself within this walking of this point. I feared the point, and saw myself as bending and breaking under the pressure, instead of actually relieving the pressure within applying the tools that desteni has provided for this process, in self writing, self forgiveness, and corrective application, and utilizing the techniques provided in SRA, as well to actually take on my programming, and no longer accept and allow “pressure” meaning, any kind of pressure I experience is pressure I place on me, and that it never come from “out there” somewhere, and that I will have to be able to walk into the storm so to speak, and assist and support myself in walking through the points within disarming them from the perspective of seeing how and where I am still in reaction. And that I am responsible for every iota of reaction I experience inside me.
So the point here is to actually trust myself within walking this point. So step one is to trust self within standing up. And now here is step two, which is self trust within walking, moving and directing myself. Where in a way, walk alone, and that one must realize that one is alone in it all. And establish trust and self at this level, where one walk alone, and one is Ok to walk alone, into any point, and not require something or someone else to depend on, to hold onto, one must simply let go of all dependency, all want, to have someone or something there with, and to establish trust for oneself in walking as self alone into eternity. I am beginning to see that everything that self holds onto will be taken away, because self must learn to trust and walk as self alone. Until there is stability, silence, acceptance and the realization that self do not need or require anything actually. So from this perspective this point that I am facing is a “long one” it was like a “long road” and I did not establish myself as actually being able to walk this “long road” alone. I mean, eternity is a long time, but I will start with just taking one step, then two, then walk a point as myself alone, and now here, in looking at this long road, realizing that I am actually capable of walking this within self trust, I simply had not yet considered doing this. So that’s pretty cool point, and in a way can ‘prepare’ for this, where I can assist and support me to establish myself within this point and realize also that the process must be walked alone. And here is simply a real physical timeline to support me to establish myself within walking alone. And now its time to trust me as the starting point of self trust within walking. Obviously there are beings on the forums and so forth to assist and support within sharing themselves within their walking, so in this way we all walk together. Though I see here the point of one establishing themselves as self reliant within being able to depend and rely on self alone, and not actually requiring anything else than that. So cool point of self trust and self walking here.