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The Effective Education of Our Children in an Equal Money System

How a child is educated will determine the rest of their life. And it is the parents who are the primary educators of a child. Thus, as parents, we either give a child a “strong enough” foundation to live in this world or literally destroy any possibility they might have to live a fulfilling life. I place “strong enough” in quotations because I am speaking of what we are currently accepting and allowing ourselves to do to children in this world. We have created world where we cannot possibly give our children the most effective learning foundation possible as we are busy trapped within the game of survival working to get money to survive.  Even the so-called “successfully” educated children are still programmatically aligned to function within a system of capitalism that abuses life due to principles of self interest and greed. Thus, unfortunately those considered “well educated” is measured in relation to their success in the current system – In essence being perfect System Robots designed as the image and likeness of abuse, greed, and self interest. – Thus that can hardly be called an Effective Education. Though mostly parents “do the best they can” within the context of their lives and in many cases just hope that the child survives in the system, forget about “success”, that is not an option for the majority of individuals in this world. And thus educating our children as become like closing our eyes and tossing up a hail mary pass in the dying minutes of the game. Sending our children  out the door and into the System.  A smile on our face hiding the doubt we actually experience inside ourselves of them being “OK” because we know what it is really like out there in the world. A Capitalistic world where we have become brutal and deceiving as our basic functionality. Giving a child/ourselves a “strong enough” educations cannot be tolerated as an acceptable expression of ourselves. We require to creating an Environment where Excellence is the norm, and equally available to all.

I  recently read a newspaper article, that quoted the COO and President of Kahn Academy in the US commenting on the way we go about educating our youth

A description from the Kahn Academy website reads

“The Khan Academy is an organization on a mission. We’re a not-for-profit with the goal of changing education for the better by providing a free world-class education to anyone anywhere”

From what I have found the Khan Academy is a Free Database of Educational Material that can be accessed online. Thus in itself this is pretty cool, however the particular quote I read I found to be a bit misleading in terms of who we actually are as human beings and how we should go about educating ourselves.

The quote read as follows:

“We treat everybody the same, and the reality is, everyone is different”

This is not the first time I have heard this. I actually remember being taught this in school. That there is “different types of learners” Some are more visual and some are more hands on, and some learn phonetically, where others learn by reading about something.

I mean this sounds very intellectual and all but is it really how things work or have we just once again entranced ourselves with the pretty words we speak without actually looking to see if in fact this is how things work.

Based on the research I have done with Desteni over the last 3 years which in essence is a total Self Investigative/Explorative process, studying the nature of ourselves and how this reality actually function – A point that has emerged which I have found is from one perspective completely contradictory to what is being said in the article by the President and COO of the Kahn Academy.

I have found is that in fact everyone is the same! We all learn exactly the same.

Within the ideas that school presented to me as “how we learn” I had always tried to classify myself as more of a “hands on” learner but also I assumed I would learn things more visually as well, considering I was always more artistic. But this approach had no affect on my actual learning ability. If anything it further separated me from developing the necessary skills I required for a Sound Educational Foundation

From my perspective what ends up happening is that not all children are equally developed when they arrive at school on day one. There is various students with different learning abilities based on the development of their educational foundation that took place in the home before even entering school.  So its not that some people learn in a different way. Its that they haven’t developed the necessary points within themselves to be able to process/learn what is being taught, like their neighbour who may have a more developed foundation to process what is being taught. So then they go and say….”oooohhhh it must be because that student learns differently or is a more visual learner” when the truth is the student simply hasn’t learned to read properly yet, or was provided with a sufficient platform as their neighbor to be able to learn equally. It is thus mis-interpreted as having “different ways” instead of seeing that all beings learn the same though that ones learning foundation may be more sufficiently developed and are thus able to process what is being presented more “normally” so to speak.

We are all physical beings with a physical body, brain, and the same physical functions and mechanisms as each other  which from my perspective would imply we learn in the same way – though not all have been equally and effectively developed within their ability to learn.

How we are Educated/Programmed determines who we become, and what we are capable of in our lives as well as our further ability to learn.

Thus it should be ensured that each child is given the proper effective “learning foundation” so that they are able to in fact learn what is required to learn in this reality to be fully functional and reach their maximum potential.

So I would correct the above quote.

From – “We treat everybody the same, and the reality is, everyone is different”

To – “ We treat everybody different, and the reality is everyone is the same”

In a way its like we are trying to treat the symptoms of a problem without getting to the core.

Funny,  this initial statement is actually backwards! Because if you look in this world you see that not all are “treated the same” due to some having a strong education from birth while others may have next to no education or possibility not even attend school at all. This is NOT by choice. This is due to the current conditions created in this world through and as the Current Money System.

Because of the Current Money System not all children are being treated the same when it comes to development and education. Not all children are given an effective learning foundation which should in fact be a Birth-Right. As a basic necessity that is simply COMMON SENSE that we ourselves as life would do for ourselves to ensure that we are operating and expressing ourselves at our maximum potential so that we are indeed creating an effective reality for ourselves to live in.

In an Equal Money System Children and Adults will all be Educated. Obviously we require to re-educate our Adults as well at the moment because how can we expect someone who agrees with and fully trusts and accepts the current capitalistic system of self interest, greed and manipulation to give a proper well informed education to a child.

In an Equal Money System Education will be available to all simply as a common sense point necessary for proper development of Human Beings and Life on Earth.

Education will not be only “just for the privileged” as it currently is in or Current Money System. And also Alternative Programs such as the Kahn Academy offering free education to all will no longer exist as well from the perspective that ALL education in ALL institutions and will be Free / Accessible to all.  Each child will be given the necessary learning foundation to be able to learn effectively. This will indeed create a much more intelligent race. With Not only Superior abilities in reading, writing, science, math, arts, and other basic education points, but also within an effective understanding of Equality. And how one is able to live effectively to support the Earth, the animals, the plants and other beings in a way that is Best for ALL. Our current Education of our Children is creating clones that will continue doing what all are currently doing now which is in essence destroying life.

Thus we must honour ourselves and life by/ through creating clones as/of ourselves that Support what is best for all. And this can only be done in a System where Money does not have more Value than Life itself. Thus Equal Money System. An Economic System based on the principle of best for all.

Equal Money Website – http://www.equalmoney.org

Equal Money BOOK now available at EQAFE

 

 

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COOL to be CRUEL

I want to communicate about communication. About this world’s normal accepted way of communicating and interacting with one another, and how this “normal” accepted communication and interaction, what we call funny or entertaining or harmless is in fact extensive abuse towards life.

This abuse often gets hidden behind or masked with sarcasm or joking/humour or laughter but what is actually being implied by and through ones jokes is in fact quite cruel and does not in any way support another human being to become a empowered confident expression of life, but simply diminish the other into a position where one then see believe oneself to be inferior and then judge oneself. Basically what I am saying here is that the way we have come to communicate with one another on this planet is within a suppressing, diminishing nature, instead of a supportive encouraging one.

I mean for instance when one go to the shop and bring home a nice plant that they want to set on their kitchen table or window sill and have it blossom and grow and live there in the home with them. They do not firstly take it outside and dump it on the pavement and then crush it under their foot, stamping on it until it is trampled and dead. That would be considered stupidity – Yet this is exactly what I see being done as and through our normal accepted way of interacting and communicating with each other in this world. Strangely it is not even being noticed.

So I suggest the obvious commons sense of giving the plant some water and within the context of this discussion, communicate with other beings from the starting point of SUPORT. We are Here to support the development of self and others equally as life to grow and become a dignified expression that support itself and all life with the utmost care and direction to ensure the expansion, growth and expression of who we are as life. This is definitely NOT! Happening at all, and all you have to do to see it is observe what has come to be our “normal” accepted and allowed mode of communication and interaction with each other.

This particular point has come up quite a bit at work, where I observe my co-workers interacting and joking around though what I see is utter abuse and diminishment of life. Making fun of or diminishing other human beings as a joke? Ridiculing another human being as a joke? Calling another human names as a Joke?

The word that came up the other day after a few months of observing this type of “regular” communication between my co-workers is CRUELTY. At the core of the communication which is all jokey and sarcastic on the surface is in fact Cruelty.

From my perspective my co-workers have not encountered any other way or type of communication to replace humanities overall accepted way of communication.

I mean even listen to what is being pumped and impulsed onto/into us through your cities local popular radio stations…where being dumb and impractical is actually considered cool and something that if one aspire to they will be seen as cool.

I do not support stupidity and impracticality. I rather support being practical, functional and pushing self to develop into an effective human being.

It is a TRAP. What you here on the radio and what your friends are talking about. Its like everyone just agrees that these types of things are supposedly funny and cool. Buy WHY? Who come up with this ridiculous idea.

Aspiring to be dumb is dumb

Homer Simpson comes to mind.

This character made being dumb funny and something to aspire to. Quite fascinating actually. And currently we have evolved and really what we laugh at and aspire to be today makes Home Simpson look like a Genius.

If I look at why this kind of communication is actually becoming more and more and more in this world, and this is in relation to the point of it “being cool”. Thus then A point of motivation for why  someone would ridicule another is because “that is what is funny” and or “Cool” Thus they are not doing to be cruel per-se. They are doing it be funny and cool!  It just so happens that it is F-ing Cruel. But that is overlooked because “it is funny” and “people are laughing at what I am doing” and so “I feel good and important” and so the this viscous behaviour of cruelty and diminishment towards life is perpetuated.

When I was on the Desteni Farm this was where I experienced first hand the affect of communication and interaction that is actually done from the starting point of Support. The point was no longer to try and catch someone doing something so you can embarrass them or laugh at their expense so that you look better. Nope. It was to look at how in any situation you can actually support another being through how you communicate and interact with them.

From this perspective then something like embarrassment will in a way begin to disappear within bringing forth communication done from the starting point of Support within a principle of equality and oneness. Because if one fuck up or make a mistake it will not be like it is now where one is so afraid to make a mistake because they know that there “friends” will be right there to “give them a hard time” which actually means ridicule and diminish them under the guise of sarcasm and “joking around” But it is really not. It is in fact extensively cruel.

This is why I support an equal money system as within the emergence and development of an equal money system we will also change the way we communicate and interact with each other so that our words are like water that encourage the growth and expression of life in every moment and stop being like a boot that crush the life out of a being to only empower ones ego and own self importance.

Stop the abuse within communication and push self to always communication from the starting point of equals and in a way that support and encourage life, as this will bring forth a truly empowered human being.

Here is a Vlog done by Sean Sharing his Specific Experience in relation to this point : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMYAkv0t0ak&feature=share

www.equalmoney.org

www.desteniiprocess.com

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Fearing/Judging the Truth of Self.

So Gian left a comment on one of the blog posts I made in regards to Self Discipline, where he mentioned the point of Breath and how he directs himself in Breath.
I went immediately into a point of Self Judgment towards myself in how I am directing myself in this process. Particularly in relation to thoughts and the amount of thoughts and backchat and pictures that come up inside of me within my world and how if I were to actually write about everything that comes up I would literally be writing non-stop as the amount of thoughts that “I allow” is extensive compared to not allowing any at all.
So I looked at the point of Gian being young and how others who are younger have less thoughts as they have less manifested systems and constructs inside of them where they are not as ‘integrated’ as their Mind Consciousness System as people that are 10 years older than them.
So I went into immediate Self Judgment and remembered how when I was at the farm that I had more of a ‘Guard’ up and was more active in stopping my thoughts. And now since being back here in Canada I can allow much more mind shit because I do not have to face anyone as where when I was on the farm I had to face myself daily from the perspective of participating with those who were actively stopping their thoughts, or even coming face to face with the the portal or dimensions or who ever was in the body and in that having the truth of self reflected back to self from the perspective of knowing that “nothing was hidden” and thus having to stand face to face with another being and have them see into you and what kind of mind shit you were allowing. So in this I was much more strict with myself in terms of not allowing mind stuff. Though since being in Canada I have let-up on this because I am more alone, and can just allow certain thoughts and not have to “fear of facing myself” Because that is also the point I recognized while I was on the farm is that one of the main reasons I “stopped thoughts” and was more disciplined in “not allowing” mind stuff, was because I was ashamed of the stuff that existed inside of me and so rather I stopped my mind from the starting point of fear, which I realized would not stand the test of time, and eventually I would have to stop my mind from the starting point of self.
So from this perspective I see that I still do not share stuff about my life my experience as I am ashamed of it, and ashamed of myself and essentially judging myself for who I have become.
This point revealed over the last few weeks as I started communicating a bit more to my mom and dad about what I was doing with desteni, and basically they have access to all of everything I post on Facebook. I saw that because of this I started to edit or change what I posted in my blogs in consideration to them. This is a complete fuck up and is a cool point actually in seeing how the family structure completely and absolutely fuck with human beings and keep them locked into their ‘pre-programmed’ personalities. In some of the e-mails my mom started to write she would say stuff like I am not thinking clearly and if I needed time to come home and ‘cleanse’ in way and “sort my stuff out” that I could. So basically here this is the point of my mother thinking that there is something wrong with me. So I noticed that in some of the stuff I would share in my blog posts I would share about experiences that I was having within myself and how I see myself and basically just sharing myself as we have been doing in the desteni process since the beginning. My mom interpreted this as “me having problems” And from a certain perspective this is what I also interpreted it as because I could see then that I would not want to share a point because I would be wanting to avoid my mom seeing what I was writing as me having some kind of problem and so I would not share certain things. Not looking at my reaction to this I see that I am still judging myself for who I am, and what I share. And also still caring what my mother things, and what my family thinks. Instead of me finding that point of trust within myself to be able share any point of myself and not judge myself or define myself within a point of self judgment. But actually I share myself unconditionally without judging myself.
So I see that I started to edit my blog posts on facebook because of “what if my parents see it” But this is actually cool that I see this now because I see that this is not a point that I am willing to accept and allow as myself and within this seeing this see that this is actually me standing up as myself and not accepting and allowing myself to be defined by and through ‘family’.
Where in I see that I will not accept and allow myself to limit myself and or exist within this “family construct” any longer.
So this is simply another stage if you will of facing myself and facing my family. Where now they have became a little more active and thus I am facing the point of now being able to still express me openly and unconditionally as who I really am, regardless of what they may think or perceive and particularly seeing how I actually was/am still existing within the personality of myself as Andrew as who I defined myself to be through my family as how I existed in relation to my family. And who they perceived me as and believed me to be. And so see that in ‘editing’ my posts that I was/am still existing within Aspects of myself as Andrew within the context of my Family. So cool now to “break out” of this construct and not accept and allow myself to exist as that Andrew any longer as that is not who I am willing to accept and allow myself to be as rather I stand up for and as life as equality and what is best for all as life support as “the truth” of who we actually are, and no longer accept and allow myself to “hide” within personalities and ideas, and constructs, as that is Not in fact the truth of Who we are, and thus I will not accept and allow myself to exist within an application of Hiding the actual truth of ourselves which is exactly what the family construct support – the hiding of oneself within an accepted and allowed existence of Hiding, masking and suppressing the real truth of oneself and who we really are in fact.
Now I noticed this point about a week ago with regards to how I was being influenced by and through accepting and allowing myself to continue existing within a personality connected to and created within and defined according to “who I was within my family”. Though another aspect of this revealed yesterday as I read one of Pauls posts he recently posted with regards to sexuality. Within his post he was basically exploring and investigating himself within the point of sexuality. Now I did not really read the entire post but more just skimmed over it, but the point came up of that this post was actually someone sharing the truth of themselves in terms of how they are actually existing as. I saw that I had in way not been doing this to the degree where I have actually started to suppress this point within myself. So I saw a point of shame within myself, in terms of there are still points I do not share or am ashamed of within myself and so within seeing this shame see that I am still judging me and holding onto judgments towards myself and that I – Why would I judge myself? I mean why not just forgive myself. And so see how I actually still have many judgements towards myself which “come up” in terms of how perceive others will see me with regards to the truth of myself, though within bringing this point “back to self” recognize that this is in fact a Self Judgment I have towards myself and that I am allowing myself to exist as, and not actually forgive myself. So must now really look at what specific points am I not yet forgiving and am judging myself for.
Ok Thats it for now.

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Writing Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what I do as a profession worrying that I might do something where I end up only playing a marginal role in process and then experience regret for not taking the opportunity to really push myself to stand within a pivotal role in process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hopeless in my application from the perspective of believing that what ever I do it will never be enough as I am already to messed up.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because I am walking this process alone that I am not able to to effectively education and will myself to direct me into perfection within this process.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to “be something” in process instead of just honouring life and ensuring that I treat all beings equal at all times and do what is best for all life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place “what I do in process” as more important than ensuring that I create myself as a being that honor all life and all beings equal in every moment, and that I do not harm or abuse life, but support life and nurture life to express itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to “be important” in process, instead of just ensuring that I am actually honouring life in fact, and actually expressing myself in alignment with life and what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself worry or fear that I am not doing good enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear falling behind in process.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “let-up” on myself when “things get quite” instead of finding that point of self motivation, and self perfection within self where I will me for me as life as the perfection of life as equality and oneness and push myself in each and every moment into that point of perfection which is what is best for all and equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give-up on myself and think “its no use”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself and think “its not use” and that “I am not getting anywhere”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed laziness within and as me to direct me, and within this I “give into laziness” and not direct me here to direct me to apply myself effectively in self specificity and self direction in what is best for all, and not accept any excuse, reason or justification to “give-in” and go into a point of felling “its not use”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within a point of “its no use” as within participating and believing this point I am indicating to self that I have already accepted me to “give into the mind” and give into “Me” from the perspective of who I have accepted and allowed Myself to create ME as.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my directive power to my mind, and to my past.
I forgive myself for not allowing me to will me into existence from the perspective of willing me to transform myself and transform the nature of myself through supporting me through writing myself and investigating myself in writing so I can see actually the depth of me and how I am operating inside me deep within me that I have not seen and looked at before.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stay on the surface of me instead of pushing me to write into me and see the layers of self.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept me as limited through in accepting resistance as valid.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give-in automatically to “energy” for example when I point of resistance which is a form of energy come up that I ‘obey’ or am ‘influenced’ by that ‘resistance’ or energy to direct, or act a certain way, instead of me deciding what I am going to do and doing it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into to tiredness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into routine
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into feelings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only read things half way and not diligently read everyword.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to glaze over 100 things, instead of just reading 1 thing properly, effectively and exact.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to race through my day and all the stuff I have to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must “be somewhere” and so race through my application each day, and in this actually “miss my application all together”
I forgive myself for not allowing me to slow myself down within my application and actually write out points in detail and specifically instead of writing about 100 points generally.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to push myself in writing but simply say “that I am effective enough”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not able to open points on my own.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only get so far with points on my own.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is only so far someone can go and that I am not able to push myself beyond this point, and within this I forgive myself for not allowing me to and supporting me to push through my limitations and let go of beliefs I have about what is and what is not possible or most likely true.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will push me too hard of I try and push myself in writing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge graphic design as being less than law
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within going into graphic design and being insignificant
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hatred inside me for “seeing me as useless” from the perspective of going into a point that is seen or considered to be insignificant in process by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project hatred, anger and frustration onto others which I have created inside of me in my past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than others based grades one get in school.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at those with money who are working in the system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to those that have a stable job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write self forgiveness so that others will read it and think oh cool, instead of writing self forgiveness that actually support self here in the moment to investigate and open self up to reveal self to self
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of doing logo design stuff
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define me as weak for going into graphic design.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I have cool place in process, and hope with all my might, instead of realizing that this process is a self directed process and dependant on how I direct me within my world, not how process direct me. Thus I direct me and experience the outcome of that process.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to trust my own decisions and thus believe that I must work in the system for someone else.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see graphic design as an insignificant role in process as the key point is law as this is where decisions are made.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the energy or feeling of wanting to quit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop doing something based on an energetic feeling that I get to “want to stop now” and within this I forgive myself that I never push myself beyond this point of wanting to stop.
I forgive myself for not allowing me to realize that to change self will not be a “comfortable transition” but rather “uncomfortable” as one push and will oneself to change who one is as how one participate within this reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my self motivation from the perspective of already placing a limitation or cap on my motivation from the perspective of how “it normally works” instead of me directing me as self motivation as self will as self movement as a point of self moving self.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am dumb
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others believing that I am dumb
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being dumb
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react when I read the new SRA lesson where in I believed that I was dumb and went into a reaction of fear of Not being able to comprehend the material which meant that I was not smart enough and am now falling behind and just don’t have what it takes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I just don’t have what it takes in this process, and because of this will always just be a marginalized ‘middlegrounder’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have enough will for this process
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have enough motivation for this process
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a constant state of fear of falling behind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my anger and frustration I have an experience within self at “being ineffective within expressing me and opening up points” onto others.

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Fear to Move Out Of Sub-Par Existence – October 29th/2010

A point that I have observed in myself which has come up in relation to my job, is the point of accepting my own limitation by not pushing myself while I am around others, because I don’t want to trigger the point of jealousy in the other, and so instead I dum myself down, and essentially limit myself, and actually  simply allow those around me to dictate how I live my life.

 

I noticed this come up at work with regards to points around workplace that I see can be “fixed-up” and organized but have noticed I hold myself back from pointing these things, out or really taking these points on because I get the sense that it is “out of” the accepted way of doing things, and I realized that I actually compromised myself and am compromising myself  through not actually realizing that it is OK to to actually push myself and push others to become more specific and more directive in their worlds, and actually push myself here also to become more specific and directive in my world.

 

Its like in this one particular moment, I held back in directing myself to immediately take on a point that I saw because I didn’t want to be seen as doing something out of the accepted way of doing things. Specifically I did not want to “diminish” the other being in my presence. Its the point of jealousy, I noticed in a few instances, I held back actually fucking directing myself and directing a point because I do not want to trigger that point of jealousy reaction in other, where in they go into a form of reaction out of jealousy with regards to how I direct or apply myself.

 

Fuck, what I realized in this moment was that I am actually accepting and allowing myself to limit myself. And realized that this is/was actually how we ended up in this mess. Because we did not want to cause any friction. We did not want to stand up and act in a way that actually pushed people a little bit.

 

Its like I did not want them to say “don’t do that” and then come up with some excuse or reason why I “should not do that” or how “thats not the way things are done here” .

 

And what I see is that if I accept and allow this, I am actually accepting and allowing “this current system, and this current world” to dominate me. In other words, I am tacitly stating that I am actually in support of this current system, because I simply just allow it to have precedent over that which I have developed within myself as for example self will, and self determination.

 

I seen within this how so many squander within this world. Because Sub-Par is the accepted way things are. Everybody fights for Sub-Par. Even those that are effective fight for Sub-Par because this way they seem superior and dominant.  And I realized how in that moment, the “sub-par” remain the standard in this world. Because so many, as I did in that moment, accepted the “sub-par” as the dominating factor, and was unwilling stand in that moment, and actually stand-up and push and challenge myself, and within this actually push and challenge others as well.

 

In a way its easier to live in an unnoticed way

Its easier to never push to hard, as to not make people feel like there not doing enough.

Its like the point of supporting laziness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing myself as this might cause others to resist me and have friction towards me, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to let my fear of other people influence me to not stand up and do anything about this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within that which I have developed within myself as my application and discipline within walking, living, and applying myself in this world because I don’t want to make people feel bad, and react towards me for feeling bad.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people being jealous of me, because within this they may not enjoy me being around, because I push and move them out of there comfort bubble.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an observer in this world, never actually pushing myself to stand up within this world because in doing this it would cause to much friction in other peoples worlds, and there-in, I simply accept the sub-par as how things are, and be sure to remain under or on this line of “sub – par” as to not cause any reaction in another where they might observe within themselves something that requires a correction, and in this may become fearful or not wanting to give up who they are, and thus , lash out on me.

 

I forgive myself for not allowing myself  to push myself in the work place to be absolutely effective within my direction and actually look at the point from the perspective of a permanent solution.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply just do the bare minimum, instead of pushing and willing myself here to become effective within my application, in particular my practical application.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back within expressing myself within absolute clarity in communication as to not upset someone, and within this not fully honouring myself within creating my world the way I want, where I push myself and my world to the utmost specificity, because I see that this is a point I would like for myself, and thus allow me to give to myself as I see the ‘benefit’ this have on a being

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Filed under equal money system, Life Experiences, Re-Creating Self and this World, Self forgiveness - Purification, Uncategorized, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing

Doing Things Instead of Expressing Self – October 26th

Well, I made some vlogs today speaking about my experience about work and stuff, but the sound was messed up on some of them and then the other ones I was not satisfied. So now this is a point here which has become a suppression point. This doing vlogs. I have over the last week or so, done probably around 8 vlogs or so, and I have not posted a single one. I often am simply not satisfied with the clarity and precision of myself within speaking.

So I am here looking at this point now of why I have created about 8 vlogs and not posted any of them, but erase them, or just leave them sitting there because I am simply not satisfied with them.

Sometimes I believe that the vlogs and the information I am speaking is not specific enough or is just mind stuff. Other times its like I mess up on a point, or get lost in what I am saying for a moment or two, or in some I notice I go into knowledge and information that I have not actually lived, and so just have found I am not satisfied with any of the vlogs I have been making.

I have also been preparing for an art fair that is going to be here on the weekend. This process I have experienced as quite obligatory for the most part, rehearsed, uninspired, and like, dead!

Probably because most of the drawings I am working with are like Old, Old, Old, and there are only a few new ones, so its like all this old dead shit, instead of new alive shit that is now an expression of myself as who I am currently living and walking. Its like I have changed since starting this process with desteni, but have not brought this through into the art work yet. In a way there is an excitement there also, kind of like “saving the best for last” where I hold off and hold off knowing all the while that when I actually do start with making some art, that Im sure I will enjoy the expression that comes through.

This has also been a question of mine also – When am I going to start making art? I spend almost not time doing this at all, at the moment relating this point to first getting myself into a position that is more stable in terms of me actually having an income coming in before I start spending time doing this.

Though I am curious as to when the fuck I am going to start with making some art.

Its like, what is going on with me?

In a way my application has become boring from a certain perspective. Like I’m not engaged with what I am doing, and with my life, but I will use this word again which I just used – Obligatory. I mean there are moments of enjoyment, but I really do not experience myself as actually really living and expressing me, where mostly things are routine, and plain, and I really don’t do much, in terms of actually expressing myself in that which I do, its like mostly things are just blaaaand. Even in my writing, its like I kind of just do it and have to push myself to do it, but haven’t really found myself expressing me much, but more just doing things.

I have enjoyed making vlogs, even though I did not place them, I did enjoy speaking about certain points on camera. I like speaking and communicating even though I am not always satisfied with that, I cannot deny that vlogs are quite cool to do.

 

I have decided to take on the job at the farm, even though I do experience fears about this which come up in terms of fearing my self expression. Actually this is quite interesting this fear. I fear that I will not be able to express myself, and I mean to express oneself is fun. I fear that the structure that exist there, will suppress me, and that I will not be able to express myself there fully. That is one of the more prominent fears, that I will be suppressed into a kind of silence and limitation and I will not enjoy that at all, and that I will only be able to really express me with myself alone.

Its like people develop these structures as rules and ways of being and interacting that they place within their worlds and then exist within, and that I just find that I have not always been that great at being able to exist within these structures of conduct and parameters and really be able to express myself.

Though I have never really been one to be a “people person” but I would like to change this. I found that I actually started to “get to know people more” when I was on the desteni farm, and now simply see the ‘value’ if you want to call it that of actually interacting and exploring, sharing and expressing, and really getting to know others within a self intimacy.

Even though I see this, I still tend shy away from it as I always found it so much easier to express with myself alone in my room. And honestly I have lived this kind of alone application enough, where I see, obviously that I must now actually push the point of interaction with other beings, and get over my resistances to doing this, so I can actually be comfortable with others, instead of being uncomfortable.

I really don’t like when people get mad or angry or irritated. Its like I tend to try and avoid this at all cost. Especially when they take it out on others, or in particular, me!

That is one reason why I do not like being around others, because I really do not enjoy the experience of another being reacting to a point when I am in their presence. Or yes, even more reacting towards me.

Fuck I still have to sort that point out. Like taking shit personally. And suppressing anger that comes up. Its like Why? Why would you say or do that towards me.

Most of the time I really just want to fucking stand up in that moment and tell the being immediately to simply Stop the bull-shit. Like blatantly point out what the fuck they just did and actually turn the point right back on them so that they see exactly what they did.

But normally I just stand there in bewilderment like, what the fuck, this being is blaming me right now or taking shit out on me, or not taking responsibility for themselves, and normally I just stand quietly in anger an “take-it” So when I am alone in my room I do not have to deal with this. Deal with beings reacting in Frustration and Anger.

I mostly encountered this point with my father growing up, so if I had to pinpoint where I actually created this point of staying in my room away from people, I would say I created and refined this point in relation to my father. Where I remember experiencing this point of “avoiding” him allot during my life, and just “getting the fuck outta there” mostly I could go to my room and hide, because it was like he was allot of the time irritated and angry and frustrated and would react all the time towards others and it would really just be a shit experience, so I preferred to just stay in my room, like, out of the way of this projection bullshit.

From a certain perspective though I did not really understand why he was so frustrated and angry and irritated, so there is point to consider and forgive and stop any points of blame or anger I have towards him.

Even around him now I notice in every moment (quite fascinating really) there is this resonant point, like a waiting, an expectation of the eventual point where his anger, frustration, irritation will come out and be directed at someone around him. Fuck, when most recently I was around him, I noticed that each time he would enter the room or come home or something like that, I would like, “take a step back” like a waiting…waiting to see…almost like an expectation of him being angry and argumentative. And this point simply exist inside of me always and constantly. And then there was like a small moment or experience of relief when he would open his mouth and speak, and his words were actually pleasant or simply not angry…then its like..oh, ok its cool to express me here, he is not angry, so its ok if I speak my mind, or can really just let go in a way, and relax, so I see I have developed this resonant point of holding my breath within and expectation of anger in relation to my father, which I simply see as a resonant point which I developed over time with regards to my general experience around him as I cannot at this moment pinpoint a specific event which occurred where this point really “sunk in”

So in a way me staying in my room now and wanting to avoid people and their reactions is actually me simply staying in my room and hiding away from my father.

So a point here to explore and forgive.

And actually stand up and face this anger with people. And face the fear I have inside me of facing this anger and reactions  and what could possible happen. Like being overpowered and diminished.

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Filed under AndrewGableArtist, Artist, equal money system, Life Experiences, Re-Creating Self and this World, Uncategorized, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing

Finding A Job in this World – Horses or Hammers? 2010/10/12

It has been in ‘interesting’ last week. What do I mean by ‘interesting’ ? I faced/am facing myself within the point of “finding a job”. So for the last week have been busy each day scouring the internet for jobs, though having realizing through this process what exactly ‘goes into’ ‘scouring’ Within ‘scouring’ I noticed that I will go through all the adds in like a mad a search to find a job, and just sift through hundreds of adds, looking for jobs that I could/can apply to, at times not actually going about this in the most practical way but seeing that I was moving and directing myself with a point of fear and frenzy much of the time. It was like the point “kicked-in” and I was like “fuck-I gotta get a job” I knew this point was inevitable but just exactly how it was going to unfold I did not know. So, the point is Here now and I am facing myself within this. I have found my application to change over the last week within facing this point, I noticed myself less directive within my days, and actually experiencing tiredness now during the days. A point that was not coming up previously. I see/perceive this point as being ‘big’ which is an indicator towards how I have designed the entire experience of myself around it. I have never been in this position before, where here I am “in my life” and I am required to make a decision now based on the foundation of myself as the principle of what is best for all. Or rather based on the understanding of this becoming my foundation through a process of self realization so to speak. And in a way within looking for a Job and considering this point, I have come to realize different aspects of what it means stand in “what is best for all” As I browsed through the adds, it was like I would place myself in the context of what the add describes, where I would see myself doing the job, performing the task, working with the people, basically for each add I would actually place myself in the experience of myself working in that particular job. Some jobs I experienced resistance, others I experienced myself as “fitting nicely” others I would experience a kind of “hope or warmth about the job” so within doing this looking at and considering “what is best for all” Initially I only thought that I would just be looking for something part time, where I could still work at home with desteni stuff, and not necessarily go “full-out” so to speak into a job. But as I went through the adds I began to ask myself questions like, “why not get a full-time job” “what’s holding you back” As I went through the adds  and I considered each add by placing myself within that point and seeing the outflows of placing myself in such a point, I began to notice and see how certain specific jobs would be more beneficial to “what is best for all” within where I would actually be placing myself in a point where in I could/can develop certain skills, or generate a specific amount of money etc…where all of this has a ‘consequence’ a physical out-flow of events which will accumulate to a specific point. And the consideration/question Here within these options was/is What is Best for ALL.

Why is this point ‘Big’ – As this point opened up more, I realized that this decision that I could/can potentially make here will play a specific role in the development of myself and where I will stand and place myself in the future as a point which support What is Best For All and the Emergence of a World Equality System. So in this I began to experience anxiety from the perspective of now seeing that this decision will actually play “quite a role in my life” and I did not want to “make  a mistake” or base this decision in Self Dishonesty where I “lock myself into” so to speak, I time loop because I “went for self interest” instead of what is practically best for all. Within now facing myself here in making a decision in this point which has/had opened up where in now I am looking at options which could last a year long for example or that now have consequence stretching years into my life and even points that I see will remain with me for eternity so to speak, but to keep in perspective the practicality of what is here to be done within this Life Time in Establishing an Equal Money System, this decision that was now before me is/will play a definitive role so to speak, in where I will eventually “end-up/place myself”

This point in a way “rocked my world” I mean, what am I willing to do. Am I really willing to take action in what is best for all. These points were now coming up in my world in seeing now that I will be getting a job, and seeing now that I will now be getting a job to earn money to pay off my loans and eventually prepare myself for education which is a point I am considering Here in the future.

I mean now Here the “Art” point comes into play as well, where this point in itself has become very quickly invalid in the way that I was considering it before.  Where now I see “Art” as a point which I will do once the basics are taken care of. So this in a way is a shift/transformation in the way I have prioritized myself simply in seeing the common sense of “taking care of the basics” before the Luxuries. I mean the art point has not been stable at all, particularly since coming back to the city here in Calgary. I have done almost no drawing or art at all, and simply experience a point of restless anxiety with regards to how I have been going about the Art thus far since coming back to Canada and now being here in Canada. At the moment I am looking now, how to re-establish this point for myself so that it support equality, so that I can actually slow down within this, and place the point within specificity and stability. Because at the moment, there is a point of restlessness that simply is not ‘creating’ a platform which support art at all. So I have been looking at this point and looking at how to go about actually establishing the whole are point in my world. What role can it play, where can it be most effective, so I will speak a little more on this in a moment. For now I will say the platform within which I was creating my art upon initially has in a way disintegrated and collapsed.

The Two Primary Jobs that seemed most Valid, and that seemed to fit a point that I felt would work and support myself within this process in what is best for all are related to either “Animal Care” or “Practical Labour, building, painting, construction and so on. These two points are the ones that have emerged as a more “longer term solution so to speak” Interestingly enough, I was not actually at all considering the point of working with animals until I came across three adds which “fit my profile” and qualifications.

The First one was a “Dog Walker” – that seemed pretty cool and point that came up here was responsibility as I have realized that to support an animal consistently develop a certain point of responsibility within a being, so within considering this point, this experience and skill in working and caring for an animal is one that I see as something that I would like to develop in myself or that would actually be a supportive point for myself in developing the point of actually “caring for / supporting another being” So here with the “dog walker” job this was the moment when “working with animals” was actually a point to consider within looking for work as I had actually developed some pretty cool experience with this while on the desteni farm.

So as I looked through more adds over the last few days I was coming across many practical labour jobs which I noticed on most of them required specific qualifications as a ‘certificate’ or ‘training’ that was recognized by the system, so this automatically, “counted me out”  or at least placed me below the ‘preferred’ applicant for many and most of the practical labour jobs advertised.  As I went through the listings I realized that doing practical labour and or working with my hands would actually be a point that would support me within this process, so more and more geared myself towards finding something where in I could/can develop these skills to a sufficient level. At the moment though I am not in a position to enter education within one of these fields so would actually have to find work which would take someone on with “no formal training” Here to I began to consider the point the point of actually working “full-time” within this field, and that within considering this point,  seeing “oh fuck” this would “change everything” meaning changing my accepted and allowed world. Another interesting point here also which ‘dawned’ on me was/is that I have never actually had a Full-Time job within this world. LOL, I have to laugh because all these years that I have worked here I have ‘avoided’ or somehow managed to “get-by” without having to ‘Commit’ to a full time job. I Resisted this immensely, so it is quite interesting here to actually now for the first time, actually be ‘willingly’ consider a full time job. So in this actually this is a point that I have never taken-on before in my life, So from this perspective it is a change in who I have always lived as and been.

Another Interesting Add which came up was “Zoo Labourer” this is a full-time position which I applied for where I would work in a zoo as doing practical maintenance around the zoo as well as working on a basic level with the animals. I mean from a certain perspective I see this as pretty cool. As now this is combining these two practical points of Animal Care as Well as Practical Maintenance.

It was when I came across this job that I really began to see the point of “doing what is best for all” Firstly I noticed inside myself like an ‘excitement’ or even a ‘hope’ you could say came up where in I felt that this job would be something “I like” and in seeing this point of this job being something “I would like” I saw that from the perspective of “doing what is best for all” to make or base a decision on “because you like something” as the starting point is self interest, so I was looking closely at this point and seeing if this decision for applying for this job was based on this starting point of self interest or if it is based on a clear assessment of how this point will accumulate within the equality equation in that which is best for all. Here also the point of “doing what is best for all”  opened up where in I could see that to take on a role of this nature, would actually require a ‘commitment’ of self. To actually stand at this point for a specific period of time. So here the point of ‘commitment’ opened up where I could then see the question(s) of How I was actually considering this point of commitment or even if I was at all. I mean the zoo point also opened up future prospects of “working with animals” in the future, and now to look at “what role animals will play in my life within this process, and is this a practical support point for process, and stuff like this now coming up.

So today as I continued to search for jobs I came across an add for a Horse Ranch Assistant. I applied to this add and now will be having an interview this week. This one I feel a bit “off” with still though. It just ‘doesn’t’ feel right, so will be interesting to see what this experience is all about. I noticed that I have this idea and perception within me that these people will be Christian’s or really into God or something, this is a connection I have made with regards to “horse people” being ‘into’ God so to speak, so this is one of the points why I experience this ‘offness’ towards the thing.

I also notice this point coming up of “Im not supposed to do that” like this idea I have formed of how I was supposed to come back and live in this city. I also see within this how I actually had formed quite a solid perception of myself of “having to live in this city” seeing as how this is where I currently am, and in a way because this was where I was before. I am remembering now actually which I had forgot about how in returning to the city that I immediately was looking for places to live that were not in the city as I saw the city as a place where I do not necessarily want to live. And that “what is the actual use of me being there” So in fact I had been considering the point of “not living in the city” which I had forget about, and had in a way accepted life as this where I was living in the city. I Also have developed this idea/perception that these people on the ranch will be “all into family” meaning quite tied into this construct which will cause friction.

Basically this is a 200 acre Ranch with 29 stables where they breed show horses and jump horses. So in this job I would actually move out and live right on the ranch and would be working with horses taking on a similar role in which i did on the desteni Farm. Because I would also be responsible for making sure all the practical points like farm maintenance and directing student workers and such were all running smoothly. So quite interesting really. Will see what unfolds. I emailed them tonight and got a reply for an interview this week sometime. I will keep you posted.

I also have a meeting with someone tomorrow who wants to discuss my “art practice” she is working for a magazine and is interviewing some artist that have been a part of the “market collective” that I am participating in which is a fair type thing where I sell my work. So this should be interesting to see what unfolds here also.

Ok so that’s all the points for now.

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Letting Go of the Past – Daily Writing – October 5th 2010

October 5th Writing Out My Day.

First point of reaction that I want to look at here is the reaction I had as I was browsing through Desteni Forums today.  As I was reading the posts I was reading this one post where Robert was inquiring about getting a volunteer visa. The Reaction I had when I first saw this started with a jealousy point coming up first in relation to Robert from the perspective of me being inferior towards other being in this process. This ‘kind’ of reaction within the point of inferior towards other being in this process has been quite allot. I have been noticing that I still react quite ‘strongly’ in relation to “other beings within this process” particularly those who are younger than me, and also those who will be visiting the farm in South Africa. Within this I see that I immediately go to a point of “believing, seeing, experiencing myself as if I “had my chance” or that “the cool part of my life is over” and that I now must go back to my ‘mundane’ existence of simply living out my life. Within this I see the point of actually having separated myself from the point of “having a cool/enjoyable life experience” where I have abdicated this point in this scenario to “the desteni farm” where in I am actually walking around holding onto this belief that “that was like the pinnacle of my life” and also that I myself am not capable of doing for myself the experience I had at the desteni farm. An interesting point – Its like an accepted and allowed idea or perception of myself as being incapable of providing for myself enjoyment, excitement, intrigue. Its like going to the arcade as a kid and holding back on using up all your quarters, because when your quarters are used up, your fun is over. So in a way I have placed myself in a point where I essentially, “have not more quarters” and there is nothing I can do about this. Its like  belief that I am not capable of providing for me that point of ‘coolness’ I will say, in terms of a ‘life that I actually enjoyed’ Also because of the people there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “hold onto” the idea that I am not capable of recreating for myself a ‘point’ within this world and my life that is equal to that which I experienced at the desteni farm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘hold onto’ and ‘fear losing’ desteni from the perspective of it containing ‘points’ which I see myself as incapable of ‘expressing’ for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self value to desteni from  the perspective of believing that without desteni and specific points within desteni such as the portal, that Life would be “back to normal and boring”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on desteni and the portal for “life to be interesting” from the perspective of actually placing value in this point outside of myself where in I “don’t want that point to go away”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “hold onto” points in separation from me from the perspective of giving them value instead of realizing and seeing value as myself here in every moment, where in I am the source to speak of “my experience”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to hold onto anything out of fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “get upset” because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my experience of me and the enjoyment there-of is dependent on external forces, and that if I do not have access to those external forces or points than my life will never be fun, or enjoyable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the statement of  – I don’t want to be with just me – where in I am actually implying that I am not enough and that who I am as myself alone, is actually someone I “don’t want to be with”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger over the point of “being with me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a shit experience for myself and never do anything to change that, where in I actually create a cool experience for myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to take responsibility for me in creating my own world in self responsibility, but rather want someone else to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “not want” to stand up and create my own reality because then there would never be any surprises.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want others to entertain me while I sit and do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this point abdicate my responsibility to another to “lift me up”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “place desteni” as that point which “lift me up” instead of me “lifting me up” so to speak.

I forgive myself that I haven’t taken action within this world and reality to create a system that will actually make interaction expression in this reality cool and enjoyable for ALL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am incapable of creating a scenario that I actually enjoy and that others enjoy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand back and let others create specific events and scenarios for beings to experience themselves within because I fear that I will create something that is not fun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear vulnerability in actually being able to facilitate a cool experience for myself and others in communication and interaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear beings depend on me, because I believe that I will simply let them down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define creating a scenario, environment, or situation for myself and others to come together and interact as “not fun” because I actually fear communicating and interacting with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my preprogramming to dominate me from the perspective of seeing myself as uncomfortable around other beings, and there in avoid expressing and interacting with others because of it being uncomfortable and awkward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as life believing that I am unable to make a life for myself that works and that I enjoy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my expansion and learning to a point outside of me in and as desteni Bernard and the portal, instead of me expanding myself within such a way that I am intrigued and engaged by this self expansion as myself from the perspective of actually really enjoying each moment of my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “miss” the farm, instead of simply letting the point go within seeing that it is cool to let the point go, and realize that I am not defined, or dependant on ‘the farm’ where in seeing that this ‘experience’ I have within this point is actually simply based on an energetic charge and a starting point of separation, and that rather, give myself the gift of me, through “letting  this point of the farm go” and standing HERE within my life, HERE in this moment with “no reaction to or towards the farm, but Me Standing as Myself where I realize that who I am is only dependant on myself as the source of me.

I allow myself to let go of desteni.

I allow myself to let go of desteni from the perspective of unconditionally letting this point go as this is simply who I was in the past. Yes it is very cool, though to expand this point, I simply ‘let it go’ and expand me.

I stand here within the realization of to let this point of the desteni farm go, that I am actually allowing me to expand where in I am not accepting and allowing myself to place limits and boundaries on what is possible in this life, in this reality, this existence, but that I unconditionally let the past go and remain here as myself, walking this process to bring about practically, a world that is best for all.

In by hanging onto the past I am not allowing myself to see myself as anything ‘more’ than what has already happened,

I allow me to stand here equal to the desteni farm and all that i experienced where in by letting this point go unconditionally I make the statement to myself that I am equal to the point.

So ya, basically I reacted to the point of seeing that Robert was going to the farm. In a way having a desire to once again go to the farm, although Interestingly enough I experience a resistance to the point of going to the farm as well. Where in I see myself in certain experiences I had there, where there were some tough points and experiences that I had to walk through and that I would rather not face these again. So that is the point of resistance coming up there.

Another point that came up in relation to this point is believing that “if I had something useful to offer” I would maybe be in a different position. Like for example Robert is taking on the point of programming, as well as others which is quite a useful point with Desteni. So here I see the point of wanting to be practically valid in that which I ‘contribute’ so to speak to desteni. Like wanting to be an integral part. Like holding a key responsibility. But again I see that within this there is the dimension of simply wanting a “key point” so to “lock myself in” to desteni, as to never have to lose destei. Oh God…lololololololo, thats fucking funny. The Mind is a sneaky fucker. So this aspect of this point is not valid. However, acquiring or developing myself practically to take on a specific role within this process I see as still being valid. Though how I actually perceive myself within where I currently stand in this point, seems to contain a kind of manipulative view I will say, as in still I experience much doubt as to “my effectiveness” and “role” in terms of having the necessary preparation. I Guess the point Here to Consider is that this is not going to happen by itself. That it is not “meant to be” but that I will actually have to place myself within seeing common sensically where and how exactly, precisely to place myself so that I support the bringing forth of a new equal money system and a world that is best for all.

I had a conversation today with a girl that lives here in the house I am living with. I quite enjoyed the conversation as I would say it is the furthest into depth I have went in terms of sharing my understanding of how things are currently going, and how this world is actually functioning and what points being should really be considering within this world – I also realized that within speak to others, instead of being alone in my room, I actually practically open myself up and become more effective at communicating and interaction with actual real beings. Anyhow it was a pretty cool experience because there are not allot of people one come across, or at least that I have come across that actually are willing to listen. It was fucking fascinating to see this being actually considering these points and seeing these points as common sense as I explained my perspective. Its like seeing myself in a way where in it is quite enjoyable to see a being consider for the first time a question or point that they had not before, where in I see me there considering that point for the first time, when it was first presented to me, and how interesting it was to consider such things, and how, my life changed from that point forward, it become funner, to live and be here on this earth, within considering such possibilities, almost like one goes “fuck I knew it” “ I knew there was something more” “I knew it” like a light goes on inside a being so to speak.

So otherwise still facing this point daily of How exactly I am going to place myself within this process. Obviously money an ‘obstacle’. Interesting though I see the point of being kind of relieved that I “don’t have to consider the point of education at the moment” due to money. Or rather this consideration is something I can prepare for in the future, but do not have to directly face at the moment. So what is this point of relief? One point I see here is that I can avoid doing something that I do not want to do, and in a way, hold onto a point of hope that I can actually do something that is valid and relevant within this process. Also seeing that within the education that my participation with desteni would be less, or like “moving away from desteni” so again here seeing the point of ‘fear’ or the point of ‘holding onto desteni’ which is why I am ‘relieved’ that I do not have to consider education at the moment, which actually represent the point of “moving away from desteni” as I have placed it within me.

In terms of education –  the points where I see I require education is politics and economics as these are points that I know very little about. Meanwhile I can begin Educating myself on these points.

Goodnight.

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Writing Self to Freedom – Daily Writing – Sept 27th 2010

I woke up at 9am, one hour more than I wanted to sleep, but then got up and began my day. First with coffee as usual.  I was ready to take on the day and was not expecting anything different than usual. In fact there was a bit of ‘dread’ like the beginning stages, yet, I see the point of this ‘dread’ being there only because I have an expectation of what I am doing as being ‘repetitive’ or ‘monotonous’ as seen through the eyes of others. So I find actually that this point exist as a question, like “do I really find this monotonous” or “am I just fucking with myself” for the most part I have enjoyed this time to just write and work on process stuff and computer work. After all, I did spend the initial 3 months when I first arrived busy with Labour work. So this last 15 days has really been my first phase of process work. Though I am experiencing the point of ‘aloneness’ or ‘loneliness’ where in I am both stable, and then other times, wondering or questioning if I “should be getting out more” I have been basically focussing on process and simply how the situation has unfolded I really don’t have any friends around to really “hang out” with so to speak, and at the same time, I really see not point in “Hanging Out” I find I am very busy all day long and must push through resistance to applying myself in the “simple” things and to remain here within that and not going into ‘feeling’ like I am wasting my time or something like that. So I did the basics today, the regular stuff. I continued working with the Etsy Site, I simply place the work for sale there daily and engage their system, so to speak, to see if I can make some sales. I experienced some resistance to doing this today. There was a moment where I had taken an intermission from working and this point came up where I really felt like “I don’t want to do the ‘Etsy’ thing anymore, like a lost of interest. But I simply see this as energy, and I also saw the point of “giving up” where I noticed that this is definitely a point where I would have wanted to give up before, and that I would have inevitably given into and gave up because of the ‘feeling experience’ I had towards it, and also the ‘mind points’ where the mind come up with some really good justifications why I should stop and not do it any more. But as mentioned I simply saw this a point of resistance which I simply do not participate with and simply continue placing the daily listings. I Experienced myself as being “kinda flustered” today, and have had this point come up a few times since being here in Calgary. The point where I just can’t seem to get everything done in a day that I would like, in a way that I would like. I have begun to utilise a ‘whiteboard’ for writing my daily schedule on as well as other points of not. I have never actually used a white board before in this way so am enjoying laying it out and assisting me to organise myself and my day so that I can get effective in multitasking and becoming more directive in that which I am doing. By placing all the points on the white board, I can no longer use excuses that “I have nothing to do” as it is ALL there on the whiteboard, where there is more than one can do in a single day. Also I placed a personal calendar for myself in my notebook which goes up to 6 months, this way I can place points accordingly as they come up. I have also taken on the point of recording all the money I spend weekly so that I can actually see where my money is going, how I spend it, and on what I spend it on, so that I can support myself to get effective and specific with money and make myself a proper budget as well as just simply placing for myself to see. Essentially I am placing as much as possible in writing to “see how I move”. I made a Vlog last night and made it into a video today, I also read some stuff on the political forums and this further opened the point of myself in relation to politics and how I do not/did not see myself within this point.  So today in reading more posts and watching videos related to this I noticed the point within myself of where I still see/experience the point of politics as being out there. Particularly because at the moment I am not in education, so the point of deciding to go into politics from this perspective is not here. Although it is here from the perspective me simply seeing that the point is not here with me as It seems like it is with others. So within this I find I am still busy with looking at and seeing where and how to place myself within it all, as in it is not yet clear what I will be doing, how I will be directing myself within this process and the emergence of an equal money system. Like from  a certain perspective I experience myself in a kind of waiting – Not that there is “nothing to do” because there is lots to do. Its simply a matter of not yet seeing the point clearly in terms of what I must do. Although the basics are here in terms of “my standing” Geez, I have experienced myself quite rushed today. Even with this post I feel so rushed to try and get it done, and I don’t seem to be getting any points out. Ok let me correct the point here and slow myself down. Still Holding onto the point of wanting to relax at the end of the night. Last night it was too late to relax and watch a movie so thought tonight I could do this, but again here its now 1am, and just getting to writing out my day.  I went to the grocery store today and bought myself some basics, I actually paid a few bills today. I notice that I still “hold off” on spending money, as if, I can just not spend money somehow, so I avoid paying bills or buying food even though it is inevitable that I must do this. Its like I have a little money saved so I want to hold onto it, like the miser, I do not want to spend it, but its a double edged sword because money is useless if one is not spending it to purchase things. It simply does not good just sitting there in your bank account. So interesting its like I still try and hang onto money, like a fear of letting it go. Anyways I bought some orange juice today, I have been holding off on buying it now since I have been here, because there is this one guy who drinks so much orange juice that he buys the frozen juice and is always making it and talking about how cheap it is. So I did not want to buy some juice out of fear of what this guy might think if I buy orange juice that is “normal” like comes in a jug, and I pay a little more money for it – because my perception of the whole thing is that I will be seen as “not practical” so have been avoiding buying the juice. Interesting – I didn’t see the point of “practical” before. I remember now I dealt with this point allot with a mind construct I was working on about art, where in I judged myself for not being practical, or as being seen as a practical person in this reality. So interesting to see this point here with the juice. Not to many people home today, mostly quiet, which I have been enjoying, although its nice to visit with the people when they are here also. I watched Katies Video about living in a destonian community and that this is something that I definitely would like to do. I saw some pictures of the farm today, and experienced a point of “missing the farm” and also a kind of “desire” to go back there and see everyone again. I must laugh though because as I look at this point now I see that I have defined/placed the farm as a “saviour” point, where  I can go and be saved and simply just live out the rest of my life comfortably. So there is nothing that is going to save me except me. And to want to be saved is wanting someone else to do the work for me. I perceive the farm as safe from a certain perspective meaning, safe where in I will “make process” and become effective at seeing points, rather than actually taking this point on for myself. So that point is clear. The farm was/is representing/showing me a point within myself which I haven’t allowed myself to fully embrace and trust where in
I trust that I can actually apply myself and develop myself effectively and that to believe I require to be on the farm to do this “in a specific way” is actually allowing self limitation. I mean with the people to on the farm, where the environment is about process – thats fucking cool – so to live with destonian group would be cool to “all work together” I mean here, everyone in the house seems to be just doing there own thing. And occasionally someone will make a meal and share it/offer it others, but in terms of standing equally as a group, the point is simply not here, so I just do my own thing as well, as I can’t make people change. Will see how things unfold. One of my roommates girlfriend of 2 years is moving in. This roommate is the owner of the house, so there is allot of changes taking place at the moment. I noticed coming up within me today, A fear of getting kicked out of this place for being seen as being weird. Its like I saw myself making everyone uncomfortable, because I am the weird cult guy and I saw the point of them not wanting to actually live with me. I see this though as a complete projection and not really valid although I see that within being abandoned, I do not mind. I mean the experience I had with that one friend of mine last week was interesting, I realized that I simply was over and done with that point, that I let the point go, and that the point was in a way to let the point go inside me, where I simply stop hanging onto old aspects of my life, in so that I can actually bring forth a new world and environment which support me as I walk this process of equalization of all into a point which is best for all as an honourable existence. So I am testing this “letting go” point as well with my other friend John, because we still get along quite well and can have some nice chats, so I am now simply looking at the points where I desire his friendship, and then simply letting go, and disengaging with the energetic points of connection to see what will happen. Obviously my interaction will change because I no longer need anything from him. So will see how this application of “letting go of the past goes” Its like “letting the past fall away” Wow this these last few points really flowed. That’s quite fascinating because the beginning stuff at the top of the post was excruciating to write, it was like all resistance, and I almost stopped…I was so close to stopping but remembered that point where Bernard said that it is in those moments where you really want you give-up is where you actually push through. And thats what I did, I don’t think I am even going to post the top stuff, its like mumbo jumbo stuff. Cool though this bottom stuff actually opened me up more and I am experiencing myself more at ease with me. – Very Cool. Writing Self to Freedom.

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Writing Out my Day – Sept 24th 2010 – Writing Self to Freedom

Writing out my day.

Well, my shoulders and back are sore at the moment, because I have been sitting allot and I don’t have a desk  so sit in various spots, like on my bed, or on the couch and now my back is just sore from this not having a stable back rest. Although I have been also focused allot on the point of foundation, where I got away from a bit today from a certain perspective, so that its interesting that my back is now sore, which is a primary support structure of self. I woke up at 8:30 this morning, and proceeded to make myself a coffee and some breakfast. I was supposed to help my friend out today which I was preparing for this morning. I did not know when exactly I was going to help him, but I was embracing the point because it was some physical work, and would have been a nice break from computer stuff, although enjoying the computer stuff too. Also because of the point of money. When looking at the foundation of myself, I find still that “money moves me” I have this pattern come up daily which Identify with ‘survival’ and money specifically where at around noon, I start getting ‘antsy’ Today was no exception, this antsyness came up again around noon.  The point I have identified is as mentioned money, and survival where the essence of this energetic experience is one of needing to “do something” so that I can survive in this system from the perspective of making sure that I have money. And that if “I am not doing something” that I am in a way moving closer to death, closer to running out of money, so within this  a kind of panic comes over me and cause me to “miss details” to “rush” and “scan” over things. This is essentially why I have been looking at and working on the point of foundation. So that I can stabilize myself Here and that whenever this point comes up, I simply stand here as myself and do not accept and allowing myself to become possessed by this point.  It would be good to take this point apart as this is one of the primary points I have been experiencing within my world. So in the morning I watched desteni stuff and checked out my etsy site which has been an interesting process so far. I started posting listings a few days back and find as I move and post more listings that the ‘content’ I place and the context I give it is moving closer and closer to who I am within my stand in the desteni process which is pretty cool, Initially I did not know how to go about placing the work and from what perspective but this point is coming together as I place.

I had a cool conversation today with a friend of mine. She is doing a course called “3 in one concepts” where there is some congruencies with the SRA material so I have been able to actually speak in detail to here about specific points regarding SRA which is quite cool. This has been cool particularly because I have been spending quite a bit of time with myself alone doing computer work, although I am living now with 5 roomates which I have enjoyed also. Its nice to have ‘random’ encounters and just chat and things like that. I am quite tired at the moment, and struggling a bit with ensuring each word is in place so hopfully  I can get this writing clear. Ok, moving on. After the conversation, I was back on the computer. My Friend told me that work had been postponed so it was the normal routine, as usual so to speak. I reacted a little bit, because that meant no money, and thus far I have not real leads for jobs, except for this etsy point which I have been pushing since I found it 5 days ago to see if I can get some sales moving. Also I signed up for another “Market Collective” which is a craft fair here in Calgary. I was postponing registering out of fear of not having enough money. But I pushed through the resistance and got myself a table. I looked at it from the perspective of “making myself visible” with my art, and although in the last fair I never made any sales, I should not “project” that experience onto this one, so am going forward with having a booth at this next one.  It was quite an interesting day today. I have been with myself allot today. And this has been cool. I have been pushing myself within my application to be more specific with myself. Basically I realized that I have to Start Over, and really get my application established and directed within such a way that actually support me, because I was not really supporting me before, It was more like a hanging on, and a stagnant. Not falling behind, and not moving ahead, I was simply just stuck, and had arranged my self application so that I would just kind of remain in limbo, and thats exactly what I was doing. So I spent today re-establishing my application, and my starting point of that application to one where instead o applying myself to just break even, like doing the minimum, I will apply myself from the starting point of actually supporting me and transforming me. A more active approach, a more directive approach, instead of reactive. Ok I am going to place this post as is – no editing tonight – night all.

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Filed under Life Experiences, Re-Creating Self and this World, Self forgiveness - Purification, Uncategorized, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing