Tag Archives: resonant possession

Writing Self to Freedom – "Hitting the Jackpot!" – October 30/2010

Today was an interesting day. I was at the “Market Collective” which is Arts and Crafts fair in the city I live in. So basically I had a table with drawings for sale. I decided to not sell paintings and drawings at this market and just focus more on selling the drawings, in particular the “Comical Sense” Drawings as I find with these drawings there is actually “something there” which is pretty cool. I Find my past work is ‘empty’ so to speak, and so find working with the “Comical Sense” stuff more fulfilling and enjoyable, as it is no more just “something to look at”. We as Consumer Society has place so much emphasis on the ‘picture’, on “the surface” that this “something to look at” has become that which we focus on. And the goal of the artist has become to make that “something to look at” as cool as possible, placing all of the emphasis on this, where the practical, functional, useful element of art steadily disappears.

I mean even if one look at how we has human beings present ourselves. All of the emphasis is placed on the picture, and we attempt to arrange that picture presentation of ourselves in as many ways as possible attempting to within this find some satisfaction within ourselves.

So much of the emphasis gets placed on the picture that we have forgotten in a way, that there is anything inside.

So in terms of the age old question of is it art that imitates life or life that imitates art, it is simply irrelevant considering that both are in the same boat anyways – stuck on the surface.

I sold one drawing today. Its the first one of the comical sense that I sold, it was titled TOMB-orrow (tomorrow) the guy that bought it like the skeleton imagery.

It was quite a release because I noticed this particular thought construct coming up a few times in the day.

The pattern/construct would start with the thought of first

 

-Noticing that I had not yet sold a drawing while watching others sell their work

-Then comes like a fear of believing that I have done something really wrong

-Like I have an innate mistake built into the structure of me

– Like a huge gap or something where I am “missing a point” or “understanding” which is why I

have not sold

-Then I experience a feeling/emotion experience of sadness mixed with hopelessness/helplessness

– Then thoughts of my dad come up, like I will end up living out the same pattern he did which is like

ending up as a “starving artist” kind of thing

 

Its interesting this construct came up a few times during the day, but I was mostly aware when this construct came up so simply did not “go into it”

 

 

When I sold the drawing it was like a release in a way of this construct, like

 

“I am not totally crazy”

Which actually indicate that this particular thought exist inside me before hand, like I thought/believed I was being delusional with “trying to sell art”

This point of “believed delusion” also being linked with the experience of hopelessness.  Thinking that I am in fact so delusion and that I am not even able to see it.

 

I noticed also sometimes, the thought coming up of

 

“Why do I have to do this”

Here I see this as a kind of attempting or wanting to escape from this whole experience I am going through of selling art in this world, where so much of the time, I want to just quite, even though I do see the point of what I would prefer is if I was actually able to sell the stuff, like if I actually made some consistent money with it then I would actually not want to quite selling art. So its not actually related to the “ACT” of selling art that I am opposed, just to the point of that I have not made any money or sold very effectively over the years.

 

At the moment, I am pushing the work I make now to be as educational as possible, where one can actually be supported by that work or piece when they see it and it isn’t just something you “put up because its nice”

 

This way I can actually not feel guilty for selling it to people, because before this point was quite allot – feeling guilty for selling work to people.

 

I mean what is real value. Value has become so distorted in this world that it has “lost touch” with reality. From my perspective value is not something “made up” but rather based on equality, meaning, you plant one seed, you get one carrot.

 

And this value is based on the actual physical movement of this reality, like for example the physical movement of a carrot growing into maturity. Value grounded in the earth.

 

And so art should be “valued this way” where it is grounded in earth so to speak.

 

Based in the “Equality Equation” that desteni present of 1 + 1 = 2

Our current money system, the very nature of money is based on deception. Where one is attempting to cheat reality, like saying 1+1=7 or 100 or what ever they can convince another it is worth. There is not actual basis for value these days – it is completely based on an idea – which exist in the mind.

 

This money system is so fucking tempting – Because essentially value is based on what someone will pay for it – not how much it is actually really worth so to speak. So people “buy in” and play the game, attempting to generate income through distorting value through the current money system where say one person might sell something to someone for 1 dollar, than this person turns around and sells it for 100 dollars – This is completely fucking with planet and the actual equilibrium of the physical earth. And showing the value of a product is not actually based on the actual physical value of the substance related to the earth and how this support humanity to live on this earth in equilibrium.

 

This is one reason why I support a new equal money system – because it will “normalize” everything, so that we actually start Interacting with our planet on a 1+1=2 foundation.

 

It is interesting I notice this “temptation” of the money system within myself where I see the point of “if I could only get people to buy my art for ‘x’ amount of money, than I wouldn’t have to worry about getting a job or paying my rent or anything like that, because there is this “jackpot” point that exist within this current money system, like if one could only convince another to pay that “jackpot” amount for their product, then they could really get allot of money for very little work. It is such a fuck up, because Im sure there are many out there who would read this and think – “Well what’s wrong with that”

 

Well fuck – a outflow of this current manifestation of ourselves is millions dying of starvation, wars, murder, I mean how is that “OK” .

 

We as humanity have begun to “make things” in the hope of hitting that “jackpot” within the system. Because it is possible for everyone of us to actually do. Like the carrot dangling in front of our eyes just out of reach.

 

We lose sight of the consideration to actually create something that will benefit humanity. Then the products we create, really don’t consider if they are actually of use in this reality at all but more so – can I make money from it. And this is fucking with our evolution as a human race, as an existence.

 

This is why I Support and Equal Money System as proposed by Desteni – www.equalmoney.org Because here the principle foundation of our movement in this reality would be How will this benefit humanity, how will this benefit life. I mean what is the actual outflow of the decisions I make and the evolution of humanity. I mean every action we make, every thought we think, has ripple effect, outflow on this existence. Thus the point here is to take into consideration what you actually in do, and what you actually think. And to consider “does this thought or action have the best interest of humanity in mind”

Once this consideration is in place and all beings on this planet have placed this point as the starting point of themselves, of there every thought, word, and deed, then we will be actually evolving as LIFE.

 

Until then we are simply only considering ourselves and not how we actually influence this world.

We think or believe that “oh it is just my life”

 

I mean when you die then what – your life is over? – You did the best you could – Do you really understand reality – do you really understand what is going on this planet – this existence – Is this world we have accepted really the end all be all.

 

Have we considered what it actually means to change.

 

Or are we too afraid what our friends will say if we actually change.

If we actually consider something so different that it is met with massive resistance.

 

From my perspective than we at least know we heading in the right direction – because we require a massive change on this earth.

 

I mean to stop war will take the implantation of a new system, an implantation of new way of being, of living that will be not like what is here now.

 

Suggest to investigate Desteni and Equal money system for those who are not afraid to actually change.

 

www.desteni.co.za

www.equalmoney.org

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Resonant Resistance – Back Doors – Establishing Clarity – Oct 24th/2010

Resonant Resistance – Back Doors – Establishing Clarity – Oct 24th/2010

 

Hi,everyone. Today I went again to my job on the horse ranch. Today I was going to work with the girl there who , “runs everything” So this would be a good indicator as to see if the job is going to work or not. If anyone has read my previous two blogs I wrote about this point, and in particular the resistance that was “coming up”, that I was experiencing inside myself as I walked through this job each day.

Today was much of the same, but in a way even more resistance. What I see is that this resistance is actually in relation to the people mostly, not the actual physical duties of the job, which I see I am effective within and the part with working with the horses, see that I am capable of this and just require time simply to get comfortable.

I began to experience a headache, and upper back/shoulder pain nearing the end of the day. I experienced myself within a clenched expression similar to that I wrote about previously.

I felt I was not able to speak openly to the being I was working with and at times experienced a “gap”  in-between where I was standing and where she was standing, and that to “close” that gap may not actually be possible, though in a way this is a kind of speculation.

I was looking at this point quite intently, looking at the practicality of this job working out, and looking at my experience of feeling closed in, boxed in, suffocated, in a way, and “not knowing” if I would actually be able to express me within this situation/environment, from the perspective of if I actually express me as who I am, and what I stand for, it would cause “to much” friction.

I cannot make people change, and I see the point of in order for this job to work, it will require work, and effort, and the resonant experience of myself was quite stressed and strained, and so I simply look within me and see, am I able to walk this point, because in essence I will be walking this point alone, meaning, I cannot expect these beings around me to change.

Particularly within observing the context within which I have placed myself, that being a Business, related to and constructed around the “family matrix” so it is quite heavy from a certain perspective.

Interesting I experienced this same point on the Farm when I was in the agreement with Andrea. It’s Like a ‘massive resistance’ where I experienced myself as being constantly in a stress, and so we worked with this point from the perspective of understanding, as well has having interviews with our resonances and Bernard for support in being able to ‘move’ the resonances. So this experience of myself within this environment is similar, and now I am alone and have no support as I did on the farm so in this really see this point as not working out.

So simply will let this point go.

Its quite a fuck up that beings can’t get along, And I mean with this girl I was working with today, it was almost unspeakable in a way what the point actually is, but its just like down there deep there are these two points that are simply not working at all, not aligning , and creating a discord. Eventually this will “blow up”

So back to the drawing board to find a job in this world in the Matrix. Now looking at a point which will empower me within this world so to speak. Like a practical skill that is actually required in this world.

Oh ya, interesting point here as well in the comparison of this job experience to my agreement I had with Andrea.

Fascinating how these two points are so comparable but I experience myself resonantly very similar, and exactly the same on some points, one of them being related to “the back door”

I ‘wanted’ the agreement to work.

I ‘want/wanted’ this job to work.

But when I look “down the road” I see that there is this fuzziness. The same kind of fuzziness I saw when “looked down the road” of the agreement. So I see this as “a back door point” where actually, I have a back door, am not committed to the point, but will actually take the back door, when it arrives.

So pretty cool actually to have this agreement point as a reference here, because who knows how long I would have ‘strung’ this job along, all the while knowing inside myself that “I am unable to commit to the point” So now I see here that this is what is going on, that I actually am not able to commit here, but only making myself believe that I am able to, like a point of self delusion in a way.

So I am simply going to let this point go, and as mentioned go “back to drawing board” and find a point I can/am able to commit to, so that there is no “fuzziness” so to speak, but certainty, clarity, and understanding.

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