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Investigating What it Means to Be Here and to Be Self Present.

So I was looking at this point of “slowing down” today. Also the point of how I only have so much ‘tolerance’ to do certain tasks for only so long and then eventually I have to take a break. I have been noticing that my attention span is quite short in that I often “take breaks” and work in “bursts of energy”. What I understand, and am working on correcting is not to apply myself within ‘energy’ which is clearly being indicated that I am doing, seen within requiring to take frequent breaks or only having so much ‘tolerance’ or ‘focus’ to perform a task. Instead of rather applying myself within a point of constancy and consistency where I remain stable and consistent in ones application so I do not crash, or run out of energy or existing within jumping back and forth between the two polarities of getting lots and lots done and then going to the opposite polarity and get absolutely nothing done. Rather I am exploring this point of Consistency as to direct myself into and as an application that Stands, and that doesn’t crash every few days, as so far this has been the case.
I have always considered myself to be disciplined which to me meant being able to “get tasks done” and not giving into laziness. Though at the moment this “way that I have always considered myself” is not coming through, but rather only existing as a hope at the moment instead of a living application.
So one aspect within exploring this point of how to direct and apply myself in my world so I stop ending up in the “crash” is the aspect of slowing down. So what do I mean exactly by slowing down. One dimension of this is “not rushing” interesting I have written about this point quite a bit and yet here I am again writing out the point again. I find this point of slowing down to be one of the coolest points of my process actually because of the moments where in I do actually apply myself within this point of slowing down, and how I see the absolute power that exist within this point of slowing down and remaining here. It is a point of Self Presence where one is Completely Here in what one is doing, and so for myself have found this to be a point or thee point which I see would really support me within my world, within this reality, and within process.
I also see that I have gauged my day where in there is only so much possible within a day, and that from a certain perspective I see that I attempt to do waaayyyy to much, and then there is this “holding my breath” that takes place as I move through my day not wanting anything to interrupt me or get in my way because if I step of track for even one second then I won’t be able to get everything done – I see that this is not Self Presence and Self Here and that this is not supporting me to become effective in my day.
So I require to direct myself in such a way that I have ample time to direct each point as if comes up and remain effective and “up to date” within the system where the bills are paid and I am feeding myself properly and things like this. I remember in art school and when I used to make lots of art work that I would eat not very much. And that today as well at the end of the night I was starting to feel hungry and realized that I was in fact neglecting this food point and not effectively feeding myself because it just takes to much time and I am attempting to “save time” by not eating as much or by eating out. So Even Here I see this as a problem and that I should not be within such an application where I am trying to “Save time” as this is indicating that I am behind and within an application of energy instead of just being here within breath.

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Investigating this point of Discipline Further.

Investigating this point of Discipline Further.
I see that I have not been living this point of Self-Discipline, which is why I would then exist within a point of projection/desire towards the “Desteni Farm” (Mentioned in Preceding Blog)Because when I was on the farm, this “point of Self-Discipline was from my perspective being lived much more by me.
So the farm represented that actual potential of one actually being self-empowered and can actually create oneself into a highly effective being within this reality – And that is the point that I am not at the moment living within my own world.

What this entail specifically is that I desire to actually change and transform myself, and to become an effective being within process. This process of myself started to emerge while I was on the Desteni Farm, though I do remember I experienced points of dissatisfaction within myself towards “my application”.
At the moment in my world this Self-Change is not being lived. It is only being Desired to be Lived. So in Essence this point of Self-Discipline as I have determined as “the point” is The Key to Self Change. So contained within this point of Self-Discipline there are different aspects of “what this entail” or who I would become if I lived this point of Self Discipline.
I am seeing a point of “worthiness” now coming up with regards to if I were able to change myself that I would be worthy. And I would actually be satisfied with myself as I would be an effective being.

Here also with this point of Self-Discipline and Self-Change is the point of ‘Perfection’. Which again I am not living, and that also the same as Self-Change is related to the base point of Self-Discipline as the point that is the Key so to speak to bringing forth both of these aspects from the perspective of “a point” that I require to walk in order to, in essence, actually be satisfied with myself and which will Support me to Stop the desire and projections that have been coming up lately with Regards to Being on the Desteni Farm.
The point to walk can be encompassed Here as walking Self-Discipline.
A point which I can walk as a focus point to assist and support me to actually change, to actually be creating myself, and perfecting myself in such an application where I actually enjoy myself and am proud of myself so to speak. And am worthy in my own eyes so at the end of the day I look back on what I did, and do not regret that I was not effective enough, because I actually am, day in and day out, living the point of Self-Discipline within this process within my world, within myself, to the degree where I am satisfied with me and do not allow myself to go into points of despair or depression, within and towards myself.

I see the point of Living this Self-Discipline within a “Physical Application” where in I cannot just say for example, Live 21 days Self Discipline, I mean what does that entail? From a Physical Perspective I can Live 21 days of blogging, because that is a physical measurable point. And within the point of Living Self-Discipline I see the necessity to ensure that I am living this through that which can be measured, through my Physical Application or Actions.
So in essence Self-Discipline in itself is not tangible though within living Self-Discipline I focus on that which is tangible, that which can be measured. This way I ensure the changing and transformation of my world, where my “effectiveness” then is a physical application of self which can also be measured and is not some idea, but and actual physical manifested point so to speak.

If I look at my application of self on the Desteni Farm I see that I applied myself in the physical much while I was there, where my Self-Discipline was based in my actual physical movements, for example, I became more effective in working in the physical because I actually physically placed myself in doing practical physical jobs. I Became more effective in communication because I wrote more, and did more reading, and also speaking more to beings. So it was a physical application of Self-Discipline which Supported me to actually See Results. An actual accumulation of Self where I was actually changing myself so that I became more effective within my world, my actual physical world, and seeing experiencing results. Seeing the Change of Self.
I See that this process of creating oneself actually takes years and years of constant and consistent self disciplined living action day in and day out, thus it is not to have to rush this application as that is not the point at all. I mention this Here as I see that I have the tendency to become possessed by the point of Haste/Hurrying within my attempting to live Self Discipline so am placing this here as I see in order to get myself effective within this point that I will have to “sort out” this point of accessing Haste/Hurry, as this only ever lead to me to being ineffective, and crashing instead of simply Living the Point of Self Discipline as myself, Here within and as breath, consistent and constant as this what I see will support most effective in my application. Self Discipline is not Rushing, it is normal application. I do not have to move faster, but rather just apply myself more consistently in the practical points that support me within perfecting self and perfection my world.

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Filed under Life Experiences, Re-Creating Self and this World, Self forgiveness - Purification, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing