Desire To Have a Pet

Ok so this point came up a few days ago about getting a pet bird. I would say this emerged initially when seeing the videos of Gian with his bird on the farm and perceiving that they had a ‘Bond’. I thought that was so cool, and desired to have an experience like that with an animal, like a special intimate Bond.
Then this also again came up when I watched Rozelle’s vlog with the Praying Mantis and was observing that there was actually quite a cool experience that emerged within the point of Rozelle and the Praying Mantis that she came across on the farm.
And also from hearing stories on the desteni farm about all the animals there, and also each time I see someone from desteni post a photo or a picture of their new animal. Getting an animal has “in a way” been a point that I have had to deliberately “hold back” on. I use the phrase “in a way” because I don’t really have to hold back much as the actual practical considerations of getting an animal like say for instance a puppy are simply “too much” at the moment and it is a “no-brainer” So to speak. That it is not practical at the moment for me to get an animal, though have had urges and desires to have one.
There is also the point of me holding off on getting an animal until I have a stable environment for the animal to express themselves and just be safe and stable and comfortable.
I actually had placed this point quite far in the future, for instance getting a dog I do not see as something I would do until I lived out in the country.
One interesting point though that came up within exploring this within myself of getting an animal, or when that might be, is the point of deciding not getting an animal because than I would have to commit to staying in Canada, and I can see that I have/had actually kept a space inside myself of the possibility of at some point in the future going back to visit the desteni farm, and if I were to get an animal that this would “seal my fate” so to speak, likely staying in Canada.
And I mean to lay it out – I see that I actually have/had a desire inside myself to actually go and live on the desteni farm forever – lol – which is funny because I see that this consists of as only a dream as within this desire I am not actually really looking at the real truth of what is here but only looking at the imaginary aspects of my imagined self in the perfect conditions etc…Yet still “holding onto this desire” and allowing it to influence my life, and my day to day activities, in particular in this instance in “getting an animal”
So from a certain perspective me not getting an animal or allowing myself to get an animal is in a way, me holding me back within my world and me not actually expressing myself within my world. Where I am actually deciding to ‘live’ in my world where I currently am, instead of holding back.
Another reason why I have held off getting an animal as I wanted to make sure that I was stable and had some points in place in terms of where I was going to be in the future so to speak. And really up to now, this had not been really clear but more still just taking it one day at a time, and so saw it as unpractical to actually get an animal.
I have never had an animal from the perspective of me being the one responsible for it. I had two lizards when I was young but have not been responsible for an animal since. We always had a family dog growing up and I have spent much time around animals.
Oh we had a cat in this house as well when I moved in where I am now but the cat moved to a different house.
So yes when I watched that video of Gian and the bird and also with talking to Leila about their birds and seeing all the videos and things posted, this urge was coming forward within me to get myself an animal.
So “just as an Idea” which I really don’t think I will do is I started flirting with the idea of getting a bird. One of the main aspects of this that I am looking for, is companionship. And also the opportunity to from a relationship with an animal and have an animal around as a point of self exploration and expansion of self. I mean could be cool.
So I wanted to write some about this point so as to just see what points come up.
So as mentioned there is that point of companionship. Though I see that within this I am actually “wanting a specific thing” from the animal which is based in a feeling and a desire to have an experience that at the moment I am not having.
I want a bird to sit on my shoulder and be my friend, and that I can just talk to and interact with and play with and just have around.
I also see that then I would have to change the way I live and the way I keep my room and keep my physical space. So there is a resistance point here as well in terms of actually having to take care of the bird. And commit myself to walking this point. And so from a certain perspective “giving up my freedom”

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Filed under Life Experiences, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing

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