A Perspective on “Weakness” and Identifying what is the “Real Point”
An Interesting point came up yesterday with regards to weakness. Firstly, as I walked through my day yesterday, I noticed that I was experiencing myself within a point of anxiety. And that within this anxiety, I was just not able to ‘settle’ myself and stop and be here within breath and within self patients. Now as this anxiety was slowly compounding inside of me, almost as if just sat there inside of me there with me as I walked throughout my day. And as I walked through my day I was busy doing various things, but essentially was looking at and exploring various ways and options of how to apply myself in my current environment so that I can support myself financially as I prepare for the Desteni Income plan point to begin moving. One point I came upon was this website called “Etsy” its basically a website for Artists and Artisans and craftmakers to place their products where they set up a personal shop with the site and begin selling . Now this has something that I have been wanting to explore for a long time, this point of selling my Art Online as a potential tool to support myself financially, although I had not yet explored the point and that now here was the opportunity to do so. As I started to open the point up and explore what this etsy was all about, I noticed that this anxiety within me was starting to become a little more prominent. Kind of emerging out of me as I walked through my day and applied myself in my process of Standing Here as Breath, and directing myself within the equality equation of what is best for All. I see that this ‘Anxiety’ works on a clock, and is ‘clocked’ into the cycle of time from the perspective of I notice this anxiety pretty much each day, and where it triggers around noon or in the afternoon sometimes and begins to build inside of me as the day moves on. This anxiety does not exist within me in same way at night from the perspective of now everyone has gone to sleep and I can be silent with myself as now the world has stopped, and I can stop and rest also. So from this perspective a see this anxiety as locked into the 9 to 5 type pattern that this world functions around, and within this see the point of this anxiety being related to Survival. This is where the point of ‘weakness’ comes in. Where one as a particular point or points of weakness where they often always fall. Although within this point I am looking at now I see the point of out ‘weakness’ actually being a perceived weakness from the perspective of it simply being an ‘excuse’ or ‘distraction’ or ‘escape’ to divert attention to the “Real Point” at Hand. What I mean is I noticed that as this anxiety grew with me as I walked my day, points would come up inside me where I noticed the particular thoughts coming up with regards to “doing something else” or “I should be doing something else” or “watching a movie” or “going out for coffee” or basically anything within this kind of ‘essence’ of a thought which is attempting to, or is ‘presented’ as a “back-door” and “escape-route” to intense me or tempt me “off-track” basically tempting me into my mind, into a point which is a kind of ‘relief’ or ‘procrastination’ point where I will not have to Face Myself within my walking and practically applying myself in this world in what is best for all. As I walk and apply myself in what is best for all, I am ultimately facing Myself within this, where I am not allowing myself to exist within patterns or being influenced by energy, and I simply Walk and Apply myself in common sense, where in doing this one Face Themselves from the perspective of Doing things and Applying Self in ways that Challenge who one has accepted and allowed self to be and become, where one challenge their belief systems and patterning’s and constructs. So what is “Weakness” within this context. I Noticed that as this “tension” grew inside of me as I walked throughout my day, this “Anxiety” And all of these thoughts as excuses and back-doors as the mind presented themselves, In each moment I had a choice. To either participate with one of these thoughts, or to simply Stand, Stop the point and not participate. And this Anxiety did not go away until eventually, I took a way out. I participated with one of the thoughts that presented itself, as a way to distract myself, to kind of just, “go and do this other thing” instead of continuing to walk and apply me in my Day. From a certain perspective I perceived that I fell on my Weakness points, which has to do with Sex/Masturbation/Sexual Energy addiction and so on, where this point actually, “threw me off course” and “dis-tracked” me. I began to go further into this point, particularly as the anxiety grew inside me, and I diverted my attention from what I was doing at the time which was busy with the Website I referred to at the beginning which was the etsy website for selling art. Which From a certain perspective actually represented a point where I was actually applying myself in self support in supporting myself financially with my Art. So for a moment I was “off-track” I took a “back-door” and I began to walk into this distraction point which lead me to a decision I was about to make to simply watch a movie and just relax instead of actually continuing on with the Etsy point. In that Moment I saw what I was doing, I was simply just avoiding self responsibility walking in Self Support, well in fact I in a way saw that that’s what I was doing the whole time, but in that moment it just became more evident so in that moment, I Simply just said fuck that and when back down to carry on with the Art point and investigating this Etsy site more. This is where the Guilt started to emerge, for having ‘fallen’ on my particular weakness point. Where within this guilt, the “weakness” point which I had fallen on, became the “focal point” in a way, where I began to I saw this “weakness point” as the “big problem” the point where I always fall. But then a question came up and a realization. The question that came up was “what point was I avoiding”? Here I was giving all this attention to this apparent weakness point – Yet within this not looking at Why, in that moment did I take this back door. What point was it that I was facing that I could not face, and actually wanted to and did attempt to hide from within allowing myself to go into a point of distraction, into my mind. In that moment I took the “back-door” I was busy with placing my art on the internet, and applying myself within a way where I was taking the necessary steps to practically support myself financially within my world, where I was setting up the point where for the first time I would actually be able to practically support myself with my Art. So what else does this point represent. So I mentioned the point of Self Support within this world financially, so essentially facing the point of money along with my relationship and entire belief structure I had previously existed in in relation to money as well as self support financially with regards to my art, where from a certain perspective I actually believed/belief that I am not able to actually make enough money with my art to support me within my world. Immediately what comes up is “My Father” He was an Artist and Musician his entire life and never ever made enough money to support himself, so I actually have adapted this belief, like I believe it is actually not possible. That I cannot possibly do this, even though here I am on this website observing practical examples of people who are in fact actually doing this. So in one way this point that I was facing in that moment was me facing this Belief system that I have constructed around this point, and that if I am actually going to direct this point that I will have to shatter this construct so to speak. This now is what I relate to “why and for what reasons the point of resistance, and anxiety emerged as I was facing this point. And it makes more sense that This is actually the REAL POINT, not the point of ‘weakness’
although it does provide more context to how to practically support myself in stopping my “weakness’s” so to speak. Where in when ever the point of weakness emerge as a point which I want to go into to simply consider “What is it that I am not wanting to/willing to face in this moment” So I have applied self forgiveness on this point with regards to Art, although I am also still busy with taking it apart so that It no longer influence me within my world, as I walk and stand in transforming myself into a point which stand eternally as what is best for all.