Self forgiveness – Distance/DIE – STANCE – Sept 24/09

Distance – Die Stance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because at the moment I much more prefer to keep a distance from others in support, meaning, that I feel more comfortable assisting and supporting others through means such as writing and art.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and be somebody I am not, because I have not accepted the fact that I prefer to support from a distance.

I forgive myself that for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because I, at the moment, feel much more comfortable and at home when I assist and support from a distance, within such tasks as drawing and writing, for instance, than I do when working up close and personal with another, where I am actually speaking with them and working with their body.

The point I see is that ‘information’ intimidates me so to speak. Where I have found within my life that I have always tended to avoid the use of information, which now has ended up as me being distant from others in that I do not want to use information or specific words to assist and support them, because I have not learned how to effectively use information to assist and support a being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking to another one on one, within a scenario where I am actually assisting and supporting them, because I feel I am not specific enough to support them using words/information, thus I fear being embarrassed when the person realize that I am not effective using information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep a distance from others, within assisting and supporting them, because I see myself as not yet capable of effectively supporting another within using information words, thus allowing my experience of muscle communication to be one of fear and frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within frustration in and around the process of muscle communication.

I forgive myself that, from the beginning, I saw myself as less capable than other within muscle communication, in that it does not come naturally to me, as in I was not/am not programmed to work with information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a big a thing out of muscle communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because I have not been effective within muscle communication.

I used Muscle communication to test out the thought pattern of – “I am not strong enough”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt that I tested the right point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt the point that I tested out because I experienced doubt and uncertainty within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when the experience of uncertainty comes up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for who I am, specifically when working on projects for example, when I was in school I was never considered smart or intelligent, which I wanted to be. I found projects  and working with information, such as sorting it, organizing it, gathering it, never came easy to me, and within this I judged myself. This type of work was not a natural expression for me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see when things do not work for me, because I just do not want to accept that I am unable to do something effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to admit to myself when something does not work.

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2 Comments

Filed under Self forgiveness - Purification

2 responses to “Self forgiveness – Distance/DIE – STANCE – Sept 24/09

  1. Andrew life is a mystery and one that we all have to play with no guidebook. We get into ruts, we worry, we make ourselves sick with regret, we make mistakes…but that is all part of the journey. I am amazed that someone who is so young is reflecting on the things that many of us don’t do until our mid life crisis or never at all.

    Just remember that every day is a new day and with it the possibility of doing things that we want to, and it is another chance to learn and become to be more of the person we would like to be.

  2. The Self forgiveness writing is tool I have been using to ‘look at myself’ so to speak, and actually write out the things that are really going inside me.

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