Self Forgiveness – on 'staying on the farm' – sept 23/09

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “I am not getting process” and everyone else is because I am not getting muscle communication, and because of this, that I will leave the farm and get separated from desteni, the farm, and everything here as support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear being abandoned by desteni

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself leaving the farm in sadness, regret, fear, and unworthiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I have these points within me that I am more messed up than others here, meaning, that the farm is not for me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to give up the point of “having to leave the farm”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry within me the thought/fear of “having to leave the farm”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as out of place here, because I am unable to support the way others are, and because of this, believe that I now must leave the farm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create inside of me the fear of having to leave the farm

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stop all thoughts, feelings, emotions, experiences related to “having to leave the farm”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in the farm

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the idea that I might enjoy life outside of the farm, because than that means that I must go away from the farm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my reality is designed in such a way that I will never make it this life, that it is impossible, and that I must submit to this idea of not being able to make it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get muscle communication , because I have attached “getting/being able to do muscle communication” to staying on the farm and doing process here on the farm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to to be able to enjoy myself here on the farm from the perspective that I do not want to fear my desire to be here on the farm and do process here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear desires

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the desire I have to stay on the farm, and do process here, and within this fear, suppressed this desire within me out of fear that it may not turn out this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being able to do muscle communication, because now I believe that I am full of systems and constructs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that I am full of systems and constructs because in by denying it, I believe that I am stopping myself as systems and constructs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within uncertainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being uncertain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself because “what do I really know” if at the end of the day, I can probably find a point within any decision I make that is dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad, at the realization that I am not effective at assisting others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must be able to assist others, the way other people do because, that is the ‘real’ way to assist others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only real assistance and support happens within muscle communication, and not within art.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want everything to work for me now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my process to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will always be uncomfortable around other beings, from the perspective of not being stable within myself around them in every moment no matter what. And within this experience anger within me because this has been a point that I want to transcend. So that I can stand one and equal with all beings that exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself, where in I deny the truth of myself, and attempt to force myself to do that which I think I should do, instead of standing here in self honesty from the perspective of actually “listening” to what I as substance is communicating to me, through me, and stop denying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself, as that which I as substance is communicating to me through me as me, as my body, as ‘muscle communication’ because I fear what may come of it.

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to embrace myself within this process, and go with the flow, from the perspective of no more accepting and allowing myself to fear my process, from the perspective of it taking me somewhere that I don’t want to go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist my process, and resist, and deny myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself, because I fear that it will take me away from the farm.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to unconditionally let go.

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1 Comment

Filed under Self forgiveness - Purification

One response to “Self Forgiveness – on 'staying on the farm' – sept 23/09

  1. buster

    Its great to forgive yourself, as you should forgive others for judging you. We are all uncomfortable with communication around others, each individual to ones self. We are all equal and we all equally help, Rules of self and who you should be are created through the devil if you must. We are and will never be perfect, nor should we consume our daily basis around what we are not. Just be, live and let go, and everyone else can go fuck them selves. : )

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