I have reached a point in time now where art has become almost non-existant. And within this is continues to fall into non-existence more and more each day. What does it mean to be an artist. I look at art as a skill I have that I can use to assist and support myself and others as well. However there is a difference within myself now. That being I no longer care to do it. I no longer have inspiration to do it. No valid reason. As if before I had a reason to explore painting and drawing where now there is none. But Actually it is more that now I have reasons not to do it, justifications as to why I will not do it. Before I did not have a reason – I simply did it and explored – now…I do have reasons, only they are reasons why I should not do it, and they suck out any motivation I have to express through painting and drawing. Until I am left with only bitterness and anger. Becasue I can think of numerous reasons not to do art. And actually what is occuring is a kind of self destruction, self abuse modality of application – self mutaliative – where I actually abuse mysefl with these reasons “not” to move myself. And I participate with these reasons, rather than expressing – why it won’t work – and why it is a worthless endevor. And the result…no art and anger, frustration, bitterness. Failure.